Pay It Forward

I’d like to believe that people are inherently good. How else can one explain the kindness of strangers and how hospitality seems natural when our minds our free from everyday distractions? How else can one explain the emotional high and unexplainable happiness one feels when he has realized that he was able to help another person? Isn’t it true that most criminals were only forced to do such acts due to desperation, acts of last resort brought about by unfortunate circumstances? It’s true that there are several whose minds have been completely polluted that they are capable of acts of pure evil; it’s true that there are several whose minds have been completely numbed, that they are no longer capable of remorse. But for the majority whose perceptions haven’t been distorted, inherently they have the predilection do to what is right. Majority of us just act indifferent due to all the mindless clutter keeping us preoccupied.

As I was driving home past midnight, a blind old lady was being guided by what seemed to be her granddaughter towards the driver’s side of my car. I’ve been taught to ignore beggars since giving them money would only promote complacency--- but I remained stubborn. I’ve been told that if I really wanted to help, I could just volunteer or give donations to some organization whose aim is to help alleviate poverty. Forgive me for being cynical, but I don’t have much faith in organizations governed by such bureaucracy and covered with red tape, wherein their so called leaders would probably keep the donations for themselves. I did some volunteer work before, and though I felt good afterwards, I can’t seem to be doing enough. They say if I really wanted a hands on approach to help beggars on the streets, it would be better to give them food instead. But I normally don’t carry food in my car, so I usually give spare change. Besides, this was an old blind lady. What form of complacency can I possibly promote? It’s not like she’s some able bodied person like most beggars. I doubt if she can get a job. I checked my wallet, found no spare changes. I thought, what the heck--- I gave her a hundred bucks. Yeah I’m very stringy these days because my funds are slowly being depleted. But what will I use the money for? Probably booze, booze, and more booze. I am lucky to be eating three meals a day, have clothes on my back, and a lot of extra cash to spend on needless things. She has more use for the money, and a hundred bucks won’t last long anyway these days. I was going to give her more, but the light turned green already and the car behind me was honking like there’s no tomorrow. As my car moved forward, I heard her say thank you and merry Christmas with utmost sincerity. I’ve done my good deed for the day. Just like that, I’ve touched another person’s life. That gave me more happiness than any of the material things I’ve bought for myself these past few days.

It reminded me of the many times I shelled out money for patients. Yeah, it gets really annoying when every patient keeps begging for your help, i.e. asking for money. A lot of them are even pretending they have no money because they see some doctors shelling out for their patients--- why pay for something, no matter how measly it is, when you can get it for free? I really get pissed when some of those free loaders can be so blatant about it. Some patients must think we’re millionaires that they can milk freely and constantly. Sometimes though, they do seem genuine, and our hearts are constantly tugged. Many times I gave in. A number of times I shelled out too much, I can give up half of my monthly salary just for one patient. Even when I’m constantly complaining that we were grossly underpaid, I can give out that much. Because of the huge amount (if I thought the amount was huge, I could only imagine how much it was worth for the less fortunate), they always promised that they would pay me back. But I took those words with a grain of salt. As expected, on the day the patients are to be discharged, a relative would approach me continuously giving apologies. More promises that they will still pay me, or if they can do some other thing--- like doing my laundry, cleaning my house, because they still don’t have enough money. I just say it’s okay. They don’t have to pay me back. One time a patient did try to pay me back, but I knew there were more expenses, I knew she had better use for the money. I told her to just keep it. I didn’t expect her to cry, and the words she said as her tears fell down her cheeks gave me the impression that she thought I was heaven sent, some angel sent to her by God. I never felt as if I’m wasting money during those times. How can one waste money by helping, by touching another person’s life?

Yesterday, I did a huge favor for a friend. It wasn’t really much, it’s something I could’ve easily done, but it was apparently a big deal to him. He said he’s going to do anything I wanted--- just nothing monetary if I wanted it immediately because he was still short on cash. Lol. I told him to forget it, it was no big deal. I didn’t help him just to get something in return. But he insisted. I don’t really want anything. There was nothing I needed help with as of now. He still insisted, saying something like his conscience is going to bother him. So I said, if you really insist on doing something--- instead of paying me back, just pay it forward. The expression on his face clearly showed that he had no idea what I was talking about.

Pay It Forward is an old movie which starred Kevin Spacey, Helen Hunt, and Haley Joel Osment (that kid from The Sixth Sense). The kid had this school project: Do a good deed, and instead of having the person on the receiving end pay you back, ask him or her to pay it forward instead--- i.e. do another good deed to another person. When enough people keep paying it forward, asking nothing else in return, it would theoretically create a chain reaction, gradually making this world a better place. I didn’t really like the movie--- it tends to be overly cheesy and melodramatic at times… but the message that it sent me was clear. I’d like to think people aren’t really inherently selfish beings. We are capable of doing great things and expect nothing in return. Most people just need a little nudge to wake them up from all the apathy. One good deed done to some individual can shock him out of his indifference. Small steps I make may amount to nothing--- such small steps are barely noticeable. But I hope these small steps are noticed by the people whose lives I’ve touched. Immediate radical changes may be just dreams and illusions for now, but small changes are attainable. Drastic changes start with little things. If enough people remove their cloaks of indifference and free their minds from all things that they mistake as essential… if people shed their skins of selfishness, contempt, pride and greed so that they may show the beauty beneath such harsh exteriors… If we choose to pay it forward instead of expecting people to pay us back… then maybe this world wouldn’t be as fucked up as it is now.

It all begins with one small step from each of us.