Easy Target

So there I was in my room, bumming around, just minding my own business, when I received a text message from a concerned friend. He just though I HAD to know. That there's some NEW negative stuff being said about me.

Jesus Christ. Not again.

I asked him what it was... Another stupid, baseless, completely fabricated rumor! I know I've posted something like this before, and I hate to sound redundant, but i just can't help it. It's easy to say just let those people talk, let them talk about me all they want, let them think what they want to think, it's easy to ignore them, i won't let myself get affected... but it's another thing to really mean those words. It's not easy to simply ignore what others have been saying about you. I often wonder why people get a kick out of talking about others. i wonder even more why some people would completely fabricate stories about another person.

So I replied with some rant, and asked my friend why the fuck were they talking about me in the first place. He said my name just came up, like it often does, since I was one of the prominent people where I used to work. I replied with my name came up like it OFTEN does?! what the f*ck are you talking about?!

C'mon man, you can't be oblivious to the fact that people talk about you. And you can't be oblivious to the fact that you look good. Everyone's eyes were on you from day 1. You were on the radar. Every move you made was watched because you were like royalty who chose to associate himself with commoners. People can't help but talk about you. And since you were such a favorite topic of discussion, rumors were bound to come up. When you left, that didn't stop people from talking. In fact, that gave them another reason to talk about you. But for all its worth, we don't believe any of them. Just wishful thinking on the part of desperate people, like most rumors. I just thought you should know, so you wouldn't be so clueless about it.

Christ. I never wanted to be "prominent". I never asked for these qualities that make me stand out. I'm the type of person who chooses to keep a low profile. I'd rather stay anonymous. Sure, at times I strive for excellence, but most times I'm content at being average, common, just like everyone else. It's part of my personality, I feel uneasy being at the center of attention. Many times when I'm in a pensive mood, i hate it when strangers would approach me and start some conversation, even when I make it as clear as possible that I'm wearing some invisible sign saying I want to be alone. During the past year I tried so hard to blend in, not to stand out and do anything extraordinary. if it was about looks, I didn't care about the way i look, I didn't even have time to fix myself up. But I still kept showing up on the radar, and apparently there was nothing I could've done to make myself hidden.

Is it really about the way a person looks, that makes him or her stand out? If people didn't give such high regard on physical attributes, then maybe i wouldn't be such an easy target. Then maybe those losers would mind their own business and finally leave me alone, as I've always wanted.

I already have a lot of things on my mind. My life's already a mess as it is. Rumors that only serve to further complicate matters are the last things that I need.