Hit and Miss

I don't even know why I'm posting this.

random ramblings. Nothing logical. just thinking these random thoughts out loud.

Saturday night. I went to a bar with some friends. Got drunk again. Sometime that night, I've managed to hook up with some girl. I can't even remember her name. I'm not even sure if I asked her name in the first place. I left my friends at around 3 AM and we went someplace else. Somewhere private. It was nothing special. It was good, but not extraordinary. At one point she mentioned that she seemed to be doing most of the work, which made me realize that I am indeed lousy in bed. lol. When we were done, we ended up cuddling--- which is out of the ordinary for me when all I want is something casual. I usually wash up and then head for home after a one time gig. I'm not the type who's into hugging and cuddling and all that sweet stuff. I love yous were exchanged, but that was just the alcohol talking. There's no way it could've been love. Before we parted ways, we decided not to exchange numbers... it was just casual after all. If i wasn't so intoxicated then, I would've thought there was sadness in her face. She said it's kind of a pity that we met under such circumstances. If we met on some other occasion, we could've been friends, or maybe something more. I agreed... but meeting the way we did, maybe we were not meant to share something deeper. She didn't live nearby. She was just on vacation when we met. She'll be leaving the next day. I'm pretty sure I'd never see her again. Which is just fine, since it was only a one time thing. There's nothing more to it. Or so I thought.

When I woke up, I had this weird feeling. I had a minor headache, but I knew I was already sober. I felt a bit lonely. I felt regret. While intoxicated with alcohol, I wasn't capable of deep thought. Once sober--- I felt that there was something there. There was a connection. A CONNECTION. I couldn't have an instant connection with just anyone. We talked about life, plus some other profound stuff. And we cuddled. All of those things no one would do during casual encounters. It could have been something deeper. I never thought that something deep could come out of something casual, that's why I never entertained the possibility. It would be laughable finding love in such circumstances, right? Such scenes are straight out of those romantic comedies. I'm not romantic, so why am I now romanticizing things? Was there really something there? An opportunity that I could've grabbed, but then chose to miss? Or am I just seeing illusions? I'm seeing something that's not really there, because of a subconscious need to be in a relationship even if I tell myself that I don't need to be in one?

It's crazy to entertain such silly thoughts. It's even crazier that I'm dwelling on them. I can't seem to let go of the fact that there was something there. There was that possibility that could've been a reality. It would be easier to imagine if only I got her number. and it would have helped a lot if I at least remembered her name.