Emotional Vampires

This could be a sort of post-halloween entry.

I was having coffee with a friend earlier today, and she was complaining about friends of hers who were "emotional vampires". I've read the term somewhere before, but that was the first time I've heard someone use it in actual conversation. Definitions vary. Her definition was any person who can get you all bogged down with their emotional turmoils, that they can literally suck all the joy and life out of you. She then goes on wondering how she can be some sort of an "emotional vampire magnet". A lot of her friends allegedly run to her for comfort and advice whenever they have problems, despite her harsh and unapproachable exterior. I know what she meant. She's not the type of person who has the patience to listen to another person babbling for hours about his or her problems. I can't even imagine how she can be sincere with the advice she gives, because I'm sure deep inside she's thinking of something else she'd rather be doing. lol. I know she's not comfortable listening to another person's woes, because she's an "emotional vampire" herself. For the past year or so, ever since I got to know her, I'm the person she calls whenever she's pissed about something, or when she's drowning in despair. Her reasons might be superficial, but I knew those reasons are a big deal to her, so I try to listen intently each time, I and I had to make time even if I was very busy with a lot of things. She said we became close because I was the only one she knew who was willing to listen. Her other friends had bigger problems--- they'd rather not bear the burden of the problems of others when they have problems themselves.

For the past few months, I guess I was slowly transforming into some sort of an emotional vampire... but I always fight the urge to become one. A lot of times, I've been tempted to call friends, just to hang out. But I seldom poured out my problems. I don't want to pull them down into the depths of my depression. Instead, I keep a happy facade. At times, I'm already content just sitting quietly with the company of friends, looking at some view, relishing the serenity. I seldom open up because there's this lingering doubt. Very few people are willing "victims". Very few people really care, and even less give genuine advice. Are they really sincere when they ask the questions "what's the problem?", "can I do anything to help?". Or are most of them like the friend I was with earlier, pretending to offer a hand, a shoulder to cry on--- when in truth they are doings these things reluctantly? I'm thinking it's not fair to share our burdens with others. A few drinks even when alone, while listening to EMO rock can numb everything anyway, albeit temporarily. When I really want to express myself, this blog is an effective outlet. I can express my thoughts without worrying if I would pull down others with my emotions. Whoever chooses to read my entries do so voluntarily. I'm not forcing anything on them. And whoever gives advice also do so voluntarily. They give advice because they really want to, not because they were forced to... not because they feel it's their duty or obligation. That's just the way I am. I never ask for help in anything unless I really can't finish the task on my own. The best help one can get is the one that is given willingly. Anything offered without sincerity may result to more harm than good. When it comes to emotions, those who offer false sincerity could only make you linger in the shores of melancholy, perhaps even drown you in your ocean of despair.