Filter

I know I've once said that I've learned to ignore rumors about me. It's partly true--- I've become immune to the lies concocted by losers who have nothing better to do. It's just that sometimes, I can't help but feel affected, especially when close friends --- those people who should know the real you, actually believe those lies.

I'm not sure how I'm feeling right now. Hurt... angry... sad... disappointed... betrayed. Whatever this feeling is, it definitely feels bad.

There's this dirty faggot who kept spreading rumors about me a few years ago. I mentioned that in an entry sometime last year. He kept telling people that I was his boyfriend--- wishful thinking on his part, probably to boost his ego also. The fact that some people believe his fantasies to be true probably made him think that his delusions were within reach. His stories were very detailed. What we did in bed, how I pursued him, how I allegedly tried to win him back when we broke up... plus a whole lot of other sick fantasies that i try not to remember hearing. As proof, he showed his cellphone's inbox, wherein all messages came from me. He often sent messages, usually asking questions about the simplest things, and I always politely replied. How was I to know he would delete text messages from others to create the impression that I kept on sending text messages and actively pursuing him. I really can't blame those people who believed him. They don't know me personally, and if I heard a person telling stories with a lot of very minute details, i would probably believe him. I just find it hard to believe that people would actually think that I could be with a relationship with that fag! In the unlikely event that I would have a relationship with a person of the same sex, I would most likely choose someone who's not that UGLY. I'm not being egotistic here, but Christ, I could do so much better! Isn't it obvious?!

I thought that was resolved three years ago. The day I found out, I confronted the asshole. I wanted to beat him up badly. I was so angry that day, I would've probably killed him if my friends weren't there to stop me. I mean, for more than three years he has been spreading those lies and I had no idea! All the while I was being friendly even though I knew he was gay. I have gay friends so I didn't see why I can't be friends with this person. To make a long story short, my friends calmed me down, and some of them talked to him. They convinced him to apologize to me, and he told his friends who were present there that the stuff he was telling them all those years were all fabricated. I never forgave him. How could I? All the damage that he has caused can't be undone, unless he makes an announcement in front of all the medical students. The worst part was he was my group mate during clerkship, so I was forced to work for one whole year with the person I hated the most.

All that's in the past, and I forgot about the whole thing. I'm in a different environment now, and I haven't seen that asshole since graduation. Then I heard that one of my close friends still believes his lies. Maybe she's not one of my close friends after all--- I just thought she was. She was aware of how pissed I was back then, I told her the whole story before she became friends with that faggot. Apparently they became close during internship because they were group mates and they even shared an apartment. Most likely, that faggot told those stories to her during their internship, a year after HE apologized to me! I thought it was all over! I want to shut him up permanently! But what makes it worse this time is the fact that one of my friends believes him, and that makes me a liar. I don't care if she's closer to him now, I don't even care if that fag is now her best friend! She knows my side of the story--- SHE KNOWS THE TRUTH! And then now she's saying that she doesn't think that that faggot would lie to her! because they're so close now, he can't possibly lie to her! WOW! I just can't believe this! So now I'm the one who's making up stories! I'm the one who's fuckin' delusional! I'm the LIAR!

Crap, isn't she aware that that person is a chronic liar? He has lied about a lot of things, he even lied about his family! It's probably karma when he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer--- why couldn't he have died from that disease so that I would me spared from all this misery? Then again, he can't possibly die from that condition since he probably made that up also. it's okay if they're really close now, she can choose who to be friends with. I just hate the fact that just because she's closer to him, she would believe all the lies he's saying even though I told her before that all those things were untrue. She doesn't have to disregard my side of the story just because we're not a close as we were before.

One good thing came out of this though... Like an effective filter that separates dirt from the grain, another one of my so called friends have been filtered.

Thanks to instances like this, I get to know who my true friends are.