I was once a poet!

COLD LONELY NIGHT

I remember the feeling when you said we were through
I was glad for I couldn’t stand the stubbornness in you
My life would be better, that was all that i knew
When you walked out that door, there was nothing i could do

The memories flicker when they say your name
I was too proud to see i was part of the blame.
When i asked you to change, I stayed the same.
I blew out the fire to the last single flame.

They all say it’s your fault; now maybe that’s true
But i choose to ignore them; they don’t really know you.
I choose not to move on, I don’t need someone new.
I’m willing to take all the blame because i still love you.

I made a mistake, you were right all along
When you said it was my fault, when you said I was wrong.
Inside my head i keep hearing our song.
It echoes through my heart, where you once belonged.

Is it really too late to make things right?
How i wish you’re still with me, beside me tonight.
And although you are too far away from my sight,
Tonight I’ll be dreaming I’m still holding you tight.

9/12/99


FINAL MOMENT

Crouched in one corner, alone on this night
Filled with uncertainty, in the midst of twilight.
In a mindless stupor, far away from sight
Hidden in the darkness, with no urge to fight

Peacefully tucked in a calm surrender
Any moment now, it will all be over
The lightning showed such a sordid face
An abandoned child longing for a warm embrace.

With a knife on one hand, nothing on the other
Tears start to flow, as a cold breeze entered
The thunder drowns my cries, memories still linger
But when the rain stops, I’ll remember no longer.

With a knife on one hand, and nothing to fear
Alone in this room, not a single soul near
Nothing left to cherish, nothing to hold dear
One thing is certain, all will end here.

With a stroke of lighting, I saw it shining
With a glare quite hypnotic, and oh so inviting
As the wind murmured, the clouds cried their last tears.
I went straight to my heart, the source of my own tears.

Coldness all over, and such warmth on my chest
The warmth flows so smoothly, soon I will rest
And now that the rain has filled up all emptiness
With such calm certainty, I submit to nothingness.

5/20/2000


AS THE WIND BLEW

You gave me your heart, untouched and pure
And I gave you mine, though I was unsure.
You believed our love would find a way
As the wind blew all uncertainties away.

You were the light that shone upon me
You were my world, you made me see.
That we remain forever I hoped, I prayed.
As the wind blew all my miseries away.

I believed our bond slowly grew stronger
Even as the nights slowly grew colder.
You tried so hard to find the right words to say
As the wind blew all my spirits away.

I stood here wounded, I silently wept.
Perturbed by the depth of the darkness you kept.
I wondered how and why, you have gone astray
As the wind blew all your promises away.

Now as I stand on the verge of madness
All that’s left are my own promises—
All those promises, I’ve kept ‘til this day
As the wind, slowly blows your memory away.

12/22/2000


DEAD MAN

No words can describe what you’re feeling.
Eternally lost, yet you still keep on searching.
You can’t hear me speak as I silently whisper.
My memory remains, yet I hardly remember.

As you look into my eyes, you drown in emptiness.
I peacefully lie, surely suffering from loneliness.
As you kiss my cold lips, you long for my warm breath
I could only reciprocate with the bitter taste of death.

As you lie on my chest, as you caress my pale skin
You are still apathetic to the calmness within.
As your teardrops fall and disturb the stillness
You are still not aware, what you dream of is hopeless.

You touch my frigid hands and stare at my sullen face
You keep holding me tight, locked in your harsh embrace.
You have torn me open, still no blood would flow.
My heart has stopped beating, still you won’t let go.

I am dead to you now, I’ve been dead to you before.
I can’t simply rise up, as I’ve always done before.
Pathetic illusions, I won’t be there when you call.
My memory is best forgotten, I’m a dead man after all.

06/11/2001