Malware Attack !!!

Just had my laptop fixed and upgraded, and I've been busy copying my old files from my back-up discs. I've also been downloading several essential programs from the net--- plus some not so essential ones, but still quite useful. Apparently, one of those non essential programs have some malware attached to them, i can't pinpoint which one exactly. Out of the blue, several critical alert messages have been popping up, saying my computer was infected with a lot of spyware and viruses! upon clicking the balloon, several websites would open containing links to programs to be downloaded, all of which claim to be the solution to viruses and spyware that have suddenly infected my laptop! I ran a system scan with my anti virus and anti spyware software, yet mysteriously no viruses were found. No spyware either. There was something fishy. The fact that the same links to the same programs kept popping up further intensified my suspicions. Internet explorer wasn't working properly--- any web address i typed eventually led to sites advertising those programs, so I did a search with firefox. A lot of people have been encountering the same problem! My laptop was infected with malware! And not just one, but 4 different kinds! The fact that my updated and EXPENSIVE anti virus/ spyware software failed to detect them further pissed me off! For crying out loud, a FREE online scan detected those malware! They didn't really do harm to my system, but those endless pop-ups were really annoying! I've spent 4 hours trying to get my system back to the way it was! THe process was quite complicated... downloading several programs, manually deleting files... I can't help but get really pissed at the people behind the malware--- obviously the same people who make the software that were supposed to be the "solution". What devious, scheming assh*les! How low can a person get, to stoop down to such a level of trickery, just to sell a product?! misleading common people, making them think that their systems are infected, when in truth there are no viruses nor spyware at all, just an irritating malware designed to advertise their stupid products?! Good thing I had the common sense to ignore those products--- their stupid brand names were a giveaway thay something wasn't right. i hope they go bankrupt one of these days.

>:(

If there's one good thing I've learned out of this, it's that the world still has a lot of good people. A lot of computer experts were willing to help strangers with their computer woes--- for free. It's amazing how they would post detailed instructions in the discussion boards, and how incredibly patient they were, especially if the technical problems of the stangers asking for their help never seem to end. And yeah, I've discovered the wonders of Firefox also, which has now become my default internet browser. As one of those experts have said--- ditch internet explorer, which is vulnerable to a lot of threats. Use firefox instead.

... he also said stop using windows which is vulnerable to a lot of threats and use Linux instead--- but I'm not ready to make that leap yet. hehe.

A Lesson In Procrastination

Crap.

crap crap crap crap crap.

Double crap and triple crap.

CRAP!

I was planning to have my laptop repaired more than a month ago, but I had other matters to attend to. Then pre-residency started, and I had almost no connection with the outside world for a whole month. Whan I turned on my laptop a few days ago, everything seemed fine. I was plannning to back-up the rest of my important data before I had it repaired, but since it seemed fine, i was stupid enough to think that the machine was stable, and I can forego doing all those back-ups for a few more days. That's one devious little machine. Just yesterday, It wouldn't load windows at all. Another blue screen just popped up for a second or two, saying something like system failure and it shut down quickly. I turned it on a few more times, and the same thing happened. My laptop, my little machine that i once saw as a lifetime companion, a loyal buddy--- was acting like such a bitch! i tried doing the windows repair from the CDROM... that didn't work either. I wanted to throw the stupid machine across the room! I Still had a lot of important data stored in its innards! Then i discovered that it still worked--- as long as its in safe mode. I prayed that the CD writing function still worked even while on safe mode... and it did! Now I've been burning data for 5 hours, and thankfully I'm almost finished. Stupid little laptop.... or maybe stupid little windows... the machine seems to be in perfect condition except for the operating system. The Windows OS is famous for its frequent crashes after all. Maybe I should've bought a Mac instead... yeah, less people have macs, and incompatibility issues could arise when sharing files with peers, but at least those things seem to last longer before they start betraying you.

Exorcising My Ex

Exorcise. [verb]

1 to force an evil spirit to leave a person or place by using prayers or magic.
2 to remove the bad effects of a frightening or upsetting event.

If only there were ways to exorcise an ex- girlfriend.



I'm not talking about my latest ex. I already have a rather lengthy post about her--- although I could use some magic to remove her bad effects, too. This time, I'm talking about my ex ex. My ex girlfriend before the last one. That ended years ago, yet I can still feel her ill effects. The fact the she still makes her presence felt makes those ill effects linger even more.

We were members of the same religious organization--- that was how we got to know each other. I expressed my desire to court her, which didn't really last long. After a few days, shw became my girlfriend. Which didn't last long either. On the second month of our relationship, I found out she was two timing me. One of my friends, who was organizing a fashion show in college told me about it. When she was asking several people to recommend several models, a girl from another college told her she should ask my ex's boyfriend. Naturally, my friend thought it was me she was pertaining to, so she said she already asked me and I already said No. But the girl was puzzled, and told my friend that she was not pertaining to me, but to some guy in med school. When I found out about this, I immediately confronted her. In an instant, everything became clear. She was the one who scheduled are dates, so our dates wouldn't be conflicting with her duty schedule at the hospital. I was gullible enough to believe her. Apparently, she was scheduling our dates so as not to create conflict with her dates with the other guy. I went to her dorm, but she was not there. Her dorm mate said she was at a bar, organizing an event for their organization. I tried calling her, but she won't answer. She just sent a text message saying she was busy and that she'll call me later. I kept calling her, and still she won't answer. I sent her a text message saying I know she's two timing me and that it was all over between us. Then she called me. At first she denied it, but when I told her several facts I've learned, it made her impossible to deny, so she eventually admitted it. I asked her what made her do it. Did I do something wrong? Were there things that I should've done, but didn't do? She said no. She said i was almost perfect. Her excuse was lame. She said she was being courted by two heartthrobs [sic], and that made it impossible for her to choose, so she chose both. Simple as that. It was that fuck*n' simple. The other guy also became her boyfriend 4 days after I became her boyfriend. She said sorry, but I didn't want to speak to her ever again. Call it a double standard, but I think it's absolutely unforgivable when it's the girl who does the two timing. I just think girls are naturally monogamous, with all the value they give relationships and less on the physical and sexual stuff... and I think it would take an unnaturally, incredibly lustful woman to yearn for more than one relationship. Every day I kept on receiving multiple text messages, multiple calls, saying she's sorry and that she's realized her mistake and she wants me back. She'll immediately break up with the guy once I take her back. I never thought she was sincere. If she was sincere, wouldn't she break up with the guy first before asking me to take her back. WTF! she's keeping the guy as a security blanket! what was he, some form of insurance, In case we don't get back together? The fact that she seemed to be using another guy made me detest her even more. And the guy seemed to think I was trying to steal his girlfriend, he wasn't aware that the girl fooled us both. I don't know what stories she was telling him. I never replied to her text messages, which made her even more pathetic. She also seemed to tell her friends a different version of what really happened, like she was a victim, or I hurt her, that I broke up with her for no reason. It seemed that those friends also didn't know she was two timing me, based from the hate text messages her friends have been texting me. "how can you do that to her? she loves you so much, you pr*ck, you assh*le!"

Here are some text messages from her that for some reason I've managed not to delete from my phone. I've been receiving text mesages from her everyday with basically the same content.

09-29-03. Hi! Good morning! You just crossed my mind... because I'm missing you. Hope you're doing fine. Sorry but I can't help but think of you, memories of you always cross my mind. i guess you're already asleep now, I just wish you'll have the sweetest dreams tonight.

01-13-04. Hi! how are you? Do you have a gf already? i'm really desperate in winning you back. I told you before I won't be able to get over my feelings for you and I'm telling you now I still can't. Pls text back.

01-09-05. I thought you can go out even if you're on duty. I'm visiting a friend who works at the same hospital you're in. Can't you spare a minute for me? I have no boyfriend now. You know who I really love.

Eventually, she broke up with the guy almost two years ago. That's when she sent the last text message. I didn't believe her then, because several times she has sent me messages saying they broke up already, only for me to find out they're still together. She must think I'm stupid or something. I didn't really care anyway. It has been 5 years! i was way over her! I admit I was tempted to get back together with her less than a year after we broke up. But it has been 5 long years! I've moved on a long, long time ago! i wondered why can't she? Does she really love me that much, with the way she keeps on wanting to get back together after all these years? Maybe it's all just an illusion of love. Or maybe because our relationship was short lived, there were still many things she would've wanted to happen between us? Or maybe she simply feels guilty because of what she did. Her conscience won't stop bothering her, and being persistent is her way of making ammends. It doesn't really matter anyway. Maybe she does still love me (though with the way she's acting, obssession would be a better term). but I don't love her anymore... what she wants can't happen. No relationship can happen if the love is one-sided.

The text messages changed though--- a few months after I told her I had a girlfriend already. Miraculously, it seemed that she only wanted to be friends, it seemed that she has accepted the fact that we can no longer get back together. Looking back, it may have been just one of her tactics. i thought we can finally be plain friends, so I made the mistake of asking a favor from her-- I asked her to buy a book for me, because the seller was in PGH, where she also worked. When i met her to get the book and pay for it, it seemed like we were really just friends, nothing more. She introduced me to her co-nurses as her ex- boyfriend. She still sent text messages after that, though less frequently.

Then i had my internship in PGH. She started acting weird again--- probably fueled by the fact that i told her my ex and I broke up because of the letter she gave me. She kept bringing me food when I'm on duty, whcih is something a girlfriend does. The the text messages became weird again.

06-18-05. hey, tell me. Am I getting annoying again? I really can't stop myself from texting you. I've turned you off so many times in this lifetime, even leveled myself to lowly creatures just so I can express myself to you. I can't imagine you've considered me the most irritating person you've known. But I can't help it. I just waned to be heard! I just want you to recognize my existence!SOrry if I didn't keep my promise to stay away from you and not bother you anymore. i'm not asking for too much, just your patience to tolerate my impulsiveness at times. I'm really sorry. I'll try my best to control myself when it comes to you. THanks for understanding. Goodnight!

er--- I saw hints of psychotic behavior there. But I still continued replying to her text messages, and I greeted her everytime we passed by each other, because she never directly said she wanted to get back together like she did before. Maybe she was just being extra friendly and I was misinterpreting her actions. Maybe I was jumping to conclusions... Then September of last year, she told me she was going to the states because her application for work at a hospital in California was accepted. I though--- finally! if the distance can't make her get over me, I don't know what will!

Apparently, the distance can't cure whatever is ailing her. Even if it was expensive, she still sent a lot of text messages. She still called me long distance, just to say hi, and that she was lonely. Then out of the blue...

03-13-06. By the way, I know this will sound crazy to you, but If i propose to you right now, will you accept it? Please do! You're the man I know I'll marry. Please give it a thought. Yup, I'm crazy, and I'm been this way ever since when it comes to you.

She got one thing right. She is crazy!!! what was she thinking? we don't even know each other well enough, and she's asking me to marry her?! Since then, i ignored her calls, I ignored her text messages and emails. If my ignoring her doesn't wake her up from her delusions, nothing will... and it seemed that nothing will. The calls became more persistent. then she eventually got tired.

When I was having my pre-residency, she sent me a message that she was back in the country for vacation. I ignored her text messages. Apparently, she still had a lot of friends in PGH because she did work there for more than 3 years. Strangers have been hounding me, asking me if I changed my number, that their friend wants to contact me, asking why I'm ignoring her... it's so hard to deal with all those questions form people you don't know! Then on my last week, I did bump into her. Good thing i was busy running errands, that we didn't have a chance to talk. She kept sending text messages, the last one I received on my last night on duty. She was asking to have coffee with me because she's going back to the states on the next day. What exactly did she expect to happen? That I would leave my post just to have coffee with her? She knows I can't leave my post in the hospital while I'm on duty even if I wanted to. And of course, I did not want to. that was the last i heard from her, and I'm sure it won't be the last. I'm beginning to think of her as Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. Just last night, I felt her presence again. One of her friends in PGH was on duty with one of the clerks i've worked with, and apparently that friend of hers has been telling people stuff about me. I haven't had a chance to talk to the clerk, but the one thing I've learned was that this friend of my ex told her that she knows me because I courted her friend, but she turned me down and she never became my girlfriend. geez. who knows what other lies she has been spouting. I can't really blame that friend of hers. My ex has told distorted versions of what really happened to her classmates and friends 5 years ago. SHe must still be telling distorted versions of reality to her friends now. Sometimes i wonder if women are really prone to manipulate reality to suit their needs, if they're prone to making variations of what actually happened just to make themselves look good, or to make them look like victims. Then again, maybe I'm simply a magnet for women who manipulate reality to their own liking... I'm just prone to having relationships with such liars. That's how unlucky I am.

If only there was a prayer or some form of magic to keep her away, and to remove her upsetting effects. If only it was that easy.

Maybe i should face the fact that i'm extremely unlucky when it comes to love... with two consecutive failures, maybe a lucky charm is what I need.

But with my predilection for neurotic and psychotic women --- rather than a lucky charm, exorcism seems to be of a greater necessity.

The Rumour Mill

... it keeps on grinding and grinding, churning and churning.



Funny how almost every single person on this planet finds rumors interesting. Rumors are like sweet little concotions, inherently magnetic, impossible to resist. It's also funny how a person who always tries to keep a low profile, who minds his own business, can still fall victim to stupid rumors. Yeah, I'm talking about myself here.

I have been the subject of nasty rumors for years now, and often those rumors are just recyled, rearing their ugly heads every now and then. What rumors, you say? They say that I'm a drug addict, that I'm taking steroids, that I'm some sort of maniac, that i'm a rumor monger myself, that I'm some gay's boyfriend, that I do something nasty with gays in exchange for something, and oh yeah, let's not forget my most favorite rumor of all, that I'm gay myself.

Let's pretend that we're in court and I'm on trial on the stand--- I shall now defend myself from all those stupid allegations. That drug addict thing started when I was persistently thin, and surfaced again when I lost a lot of weight. Okay, I have tried a few prohibited types of drugs occasionally, different kinds, sporadically. But it's not like I got addicted to any of them. I took them socially... or out of curiosity. I was persistently thin back in grade school and high school because I didn't eat much when I'm in school. I used my allowance to buy videogames and videogame magazines instead. And I lost a lot of weight during clerkship and internship because of the work load! Plus I didn't get to eat much because there are times when I didn't get to eat for a day! There was no time to eat at all! Funny how fellow clerks and interns spread such rumors, it's not like they don't know how much work we are given.

When i started gaining weight in college and med school, people started assuming that I have been taking steriod. WTF?! You really can't please everyone! Whether you've lost or gained weight, those losers will talk about you! i gained weight because I started eating in school, and I ate more when I got home. Plus, I started going to the gym, more on body building exercises than cardiovascular exercises. So there.

There are some people who say I'm a sex maniac, that I'm a pervert, because I have such a filthy mouth,because I know a lot about sex, because I'm addicted to porn... First of all, just because I have a porn collection, that doesn't make me addicted to porn. I mean, is there actually a normal guy out there who doesn't have a porn collection?! I may have more porn than some guys, but that doesn't make me a maniac. I guess i do have a filthy mouth--- I got it from friends who have filty mouths. It's like some contagious disease. And I know a lot about sex because of them too--- my knowledge is a mixture of their knowledge and my knowledge, our collective experiences, so to speak. So what if I know a lot? that doesn't mean I'd go out and rape the first person I see. And it's not like I have a craving for sex. Besides, I can derive pleasure by myself, without anyone's help. That doesn't make me a pervert either. If that's the case, then all men in this planet are perverts.

There are those who say I'm a rumor monger, that it's just karma that I'm often a victim of rumors. Doesn't it follow that if I'm often a victim a rumors, i would not be spreading rumors because I know exactly how it feels to be a victim of rumors? One only needs common sense to realize that! Clearly a lot of stupid people don't even have common sense. Yeah, I know a lot of stuff about people--- because i have a lot of friends who are quite informative, and I can't help it if they keep on divulging information about other people to me. And it's not like i spread those rumors that they tell me. If it's about something that seems to be common knowledge anyway, then I'll tell the rumor if someone asks me about it. And you can ask my close friends--- if they've told me a secret, I would bury that secret deep within me, and I'll carry it to my death. I know a lot of my friend's secrets, and I have never told another soul about them. And those secrets are those deadly ones--- when they come out, those secrets would probably destroy their lives. That's why I really hate it when someone accuses me of being a gossip. I absolutely hate gossips, and i'll definitely hate myself if i turn into one of them.

I have had relationships with gays? I've had isolated sexual experiences with gays? I have close gay friends alright, and I have a very close gay friend. Hey, She's one of my best friends! That doesn't mean I've had relationship with them, nor does that mean I've had sex with them! Can't a straight guy be plain friends with a gay guy? Does it really follow that there's something sexual happening? If a guy is close with a girl, people won't assume that something sexual is involved. How come if a guy is friends with a gay guy, people jump to conclusions?! Maybe it could happen with other straight guy-gay guy friendships, but not with me. but I guess I really can't blame most people... when I see some guy with a gay guy, I initially assume the same thing. I guess it's human nature to jump to such conclusions. Of course it didn't help that some stupid faggot started spreading rumors that I was his boyfriend when we were in college. And some crazy faggot spread the same rumor in med school. Geez, what are the chances of such a thing happening twice in a lifetime?!

Something related to those rumors is the rumor that I'm a gay guy myself. I asked a few close friends about it, and they say it's not like I act gay... It's all the other rumors floating around that makes people assume. And the topic itself is interesting, so it's persistent. After all, "What rumors spread like wildfire?", they asked. For girls, if they're pregnant, and for guys, if they're gay! My friends even find it funny when they imagine me being gay. A gay guy with a very deep voice, with robotic actions, with no finesse at all, who has no fashion sense, who can live without taking a shower, who goes to strip joints, who's such a slob, with such a filthy room. Haha. Haha. Haha. only I don't find it funny. They say it's the rumors that those 2 faggots spread before, that I was their boyfriend--- a lot of gullible people actually believed them. With their very detailed stories of imagined events, who wouldn't? The second one most especially, who invented stories about our numerous sexual encounters, our first kiss, where we go on dates, how I was in bed, how my sexual organ looked like, how we broke up, and how I began stalking him and his new boyfriend afterwards. God, just thinking about it makes me sick! I really wanted to beat him to pulp back then! How can any sane person invent such stories about someone?! Those 2 fags must be lunatics! They should be caged in an asylum! Wishful thinking by crazy loons!

There are also many instances when some insecure guy would tell people that I was gay--- A common defense mechanism by ugly, good for nothing losers, for them to cope up or to focus some attention toward themselves. One of those losers is even a resident now at the department of surgery, so I won't be surprised if the rumors resurface if I decide to work there. Also, Some people who got mad at me seemed to think that it's a natural way to get back at a guy by telling people he's gay. Wow, That's really mature. Also the fact that I was often with my close gay friend back in college fueled the rumors. We watched movies, ate out, and I even took naps at her apartment at times. So what? I can do the same things with my male and female friends, and rumors won't start flowing. And i won't sacrifice our friendship just to save my reputation. My friendship with her is more important than any stranger's perception of me. It's that valuable, real friends are so hard to find. If that's how they think, then to hell with them.

My friends also say that rumors also started during the long gap between my two ex-girlfriends. I was single for almost 4 long years, and that was when people started talking. They say it's impossible for others to think that a good looking guy (sic) who seems to have everything (sic), who has so many admirers, some of whom even give blatant proposals, could actually stay single unless he's gay. What a narrow minded conclusion! I guess it's also human nature to come to such an assumption, but did it ever occur to them that I'm awfully shy when it comes to courting girls? And I didn't really like any of those admirers?! And that I didn't want to jump into another relationship because i was traumatized by the fact that my ex girlfriend was two timing me?! And when I finally found the girl I liked, she still had a boyfriend?! I'm not even counting the months when I was left hanging, waiting for a definite response from her!

I guess I can't stop people from talking... it must be human nature to talk about other people to divert attention from themselves, to distract people from seeing their own faults. Maybe it's even human nature to bring others down, to bring down people who seem better and more interesting. If only I can control people's tongues and stop them from wagging. I've learned to be indifferent, that's the only way to cope. i've learned not to care anymore. To those strangers who keep spreading rumors--- they can shoot themselves in the head for all I care. To hell with those losers. THey are nothing to me. It just hurts when people whom you call your friends, people that you trust, would participate in such rumors. Friends like those, I can live without.

To those friends who defend me from any rumor, you guys are one of God's most precious gifts to me.

To those people who call themselves my friends, yet participate in spreading rumors about me--- A BIG F*CK YOU TO ALL OF YOU. With friends like you, I have no more need for enemies. I've had enough of back stabbers.

And to those millions of people who derive pleasure from spreading rumors--- Go screw yourselves instead of prying on other people's lives. Your lives must be really pathetic to even think the lives of others are more worthy of your attention. If you stopped prying at the lives of others and instead start focusing on your own, you could start fixing your own lives, then maybe you won't be such BIG LOSERS.

I hope karma strikes, so that all of you losers would feel how it is to be victims of such rumors.

That's quite impossible though, wishful thinking on my part.

After all, who the heck would want to talk about STUPID LOSERS like yourselves?

TECHNICAL EMERGENCY !!!!

My laptop has been erratic these past few days. For the first time, the dreaded blue screen appeared last saturday--- and I used to think that blue screen was only a myth. I ignored it at first, thinking it was an isolated event. Then that damn blue screen appeared later that day again. It said "error reading from disk drive", or something to that effect. The audio also became garbled, it was a pain listening to my MP3s. Playing videos made my eyes sore. It was taking forever to load programs and documents, numerous error reports popped up! And the system hanged several times, even if I only had one program open! Christ, after going through more than 2 years of abuse, my notebook is giving up on me! Still, I was indifferent most of the time, becoming just a bit worried when those error messages showed up. Then another blue screen appeared, saying something like system failure imminent... and it advised that I back up all data because they're in danger of becoming lost. BECOMING LOST?! WTF?! That was when I pressed the panic button. Ive heard a lot of stories from friends wherein their computers suddenly crashed without warning, and they lost important documents, including treasured pictures and videos. I never thought such a thing could actually happen to me! Argh! The follies of modern technology! Stupid me! I should have recognized the urgency of the situation before it reached this stage! All signs were pointing to disaster, I should've anticipated this... I should have done those preventive measures days ago! I've put so much trust in my laptop, it never occured to me that the damn thing would give up on me in the future! Now I'm like a madman, burning all important files on CD roms, keeping my fingers crossed that my laptop won't bog down until I have finish backing up all data! As I'm creating this entry using our desktop PC, I'm praying that the stupid CD writer on my laptop won't break down--- it has been acting up for weeks, not being able to finish burning CDs, even though I've been using perfectly good CD-Rs.. I should've gotten a DVD writer years ago, then backing up all those important data would be faster.

Files from med school, all those resources that I'll probably still need in the future... those hard to find programs, some obsolete but I still find useful... all those digital pictures and videos that I keep scanning everytime I'm feeling blue or just plain bored... my collection of short stories and poems that took days to transfer from handwritten words in my old notebook, to the typewritten form... those MP3s now taking up 10 GB of space on my hard drive, that took 20-30 minutes each to download back when I was still on dial up... music videos from my favorite artists that took 3-4 hours to download back when I was still on dial up. hehe. and of course... treasured porn files, 9 gigabytes of hidden pictures and videos that I have been collecting since 1998. LOL.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed... I haven't faced an emergency situation for months, and this has really caught me off guard! My trusted laptop can't give up on me! --- at least not yet!