Blue October's Hate Me

[message on voicemail:] Hi Justin! This is your mother. It is 2:33 on Monday afternoon. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous, and a little, well it made me nervous, but it sounded like you were nervous too. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya and take care honey. I know you're under a lot of pressure. See ya. Bye Bye!

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? it is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months
it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things
I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

The first time I heard the song Hate Me by Blue October a few months back, I immediately loved the song. The song conveyed such powerful emotion, with its lyrics that were filled with pain combined with the way Justin Furstenfeld sang the song. I used to think the song was about a man who has recently gotten out of a relationship, and he was drenched in misery. The voice message at the beginning of the song was his mother checking up on him, knowing that his son wasn't himself lately because of the break-up. I guess thats' why I loved the song... I thought I could relate to it perfectly. I listened to it when I'm alone, drowning myself in my own misery.


Just yesterday, I saw the music video for the song. My interpretation was wrong. The song wasn't meant for an ex-girlfriend--- It was a son's song for his mother. As I listened to the song again and looked at the lyrics, somehow the words seemed more powerful... more poignant. I loved the song even more as i looked at it with a different perspective. After all, who wouldn't be touched by the greatness of a mother's unconditional love for his son, no matter how much of a prick his son is... no matter how ungrateful, no matter how uncaring, no matter how undeserving of her love.

And yeah, i can still relate to it.

Even more.