Encore

ILLUSIONS

you kept saying you loved me
though you didn't know what it meant
you said I was all that you wanted
yet you made me change things that I can't

it wasn't love that was in your heart...
infatuation, maybe
it wasn't love that you felt
a mere illusion... possibly

you said one thing, yet you did another
we seemed to be only using each other
you said you've endured so much pain all those years
but those weren't real emotions, nor were those genuine tears

you never saw how things were through my eyes
i remained clueless, to what was real and what were lies
you thought I felt nothing, that I never even tried
each time you said that, deep inside I cried

you wanted more than I could give
though you knew the limits of what I could do
if you took me as I am
you'd have seen what i've sacrificed for you

you made me do things I never thought I could do
you gave me so much, yet I never had a clue
for we were riddled with confusion, and the distance grew
all those trials and storms were so hard to subdue

it wasn't all pain... deep inside i know
i say it was all hurt, so it's easier to let go
for beneath all those lies, at least one thing was true
love was the feeling that I used to feel for you

7/29/06


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I haven't written a poem in 4 years. I don't know why, I just suddenly stopped, when I used to write poems and short stories about anything under the sun on almost a weekly basis. It's one of the things i used to do on my free time, starting way back in grade school. I've posted some of those poems in one of my entries last May. The last poem that i wrote is the last one posted on that entry. Of all possible times, I had the sudden inspiration to write that while we were dissecting a cadaver. hehe. For some unknown reason, I just thought of this possible scenario wherein a girl has been taking some guy for granted--- some guy who's totally infatuated with her, and she knows it... so she starts taking advantage of the situation. And when she realizes her mistakes, when she realizes she loves that man after all, it's already too late. The man is now a cold corpse. The poem is about their final encounter at the morgue... I know, I had a pretty wild imagination back then. lol.

Maybe I just outgrew the habit of writing poems. Maybe I just didn't have time, going through med school and all that. But yesterday, I suddenly picked up my pen and started writing words... and the words just flowed. Maybe it was the weather, all cool and rainy, conducive to creative thoughts. or maybe it's the emotional blur that I have been feeling lately, looking for another outlet. The end product is the one posted above... seems a bit flimsy and amateurish... I guess I've grown rusty, I haven't been writing poems for a very long time after all. :)