Providence

Man, that damn USMLE exam was f*cking hard. All those practice exams could never really make a person prepared for the real thing, I guess. With only a minute allocated for each question, there's really not much time to analyze and think of the right answer when you're uncertain. Crap, so much for my so called testmanship. I was simply guessing most of the time, praying that I'm picking the right answers. During the last two blocks, I was both physically and intellectually drained... I didn't really care anymore, I was choosing answers almost randomly, out of instinct. I just wanted to get things over with.The next few weeks of waiting for the results would be very long indeed. Would I get the chance to get out of this country for greener pastures, or am I destined to work like a dog in my hometown for the rest of my life? I can't help but feel that i should have studied some more, maybe i should have postponed the exam. But any more delays might make me ineligible for next year's match, so I decided to just go for it. Would that haphazard decision prove to be a big mistake? For now, I can't tell for sure. All this wondering is futile though. I couldn't do anything anymore, except to hope for the best.

Still having some hang ups with my recent vacation down south. Man, I really fell in love with that place. It was love at first sight. The sun, the ocean, the powdery off white sand... plus there's always the opportunity to surf all year round! I guess that last thing was the deal breaker. LOL. During those days, I actually thought about staying. I thought about actually living there. It's not really a remote island. There's TV. There's radio. There's internet access. And it's only two hours away by boat to the mainland. But somehow, the island has retained its rustic charm, despite the onslaught of tourists in recent years. Practicing my profession there did cross my mind. One local said that there are only two doctors on the whole island, and there are no doctors within the vicinity of the tourist spots, thus creating huge problems in times of emergencies. So yeah, there is an open market for doctors there. I could milk those rich tourists for all their worth (haha! just kidding), and i could be of service to the locals at the same time... and all I'd ask in return would be the opportunity to be able to surf every day. hehe. I know it's far from home, but when I'm near the ocean, I'm genuinely happy. When I'm surfing, no matter how many times I fall, no matter how many reef cuts I get, I'm still happy. I don't need all the complications that the urban life brings. I can be contented and happy with the simple life. That's right, being a doctor in a tropical island away from home is now one of my back up plans.

I never intended to work as a physician my whole life. I never wanted to be one, but somehow along the way, i've learned to like it somewhat. As I've said before, the feeling one gets when one helps his fellow man is without equal. That's the reason why i can continue to be a physician for as long as I am able, but not for financial reasons. I'd be a doctor for as long as I can help others. I can do this for charity, but not for self fulfillment, not even for financial gain. I can't be doing this full time, considering that this isn't really what I'd like to do. Why do I want to work abroad now? Because the pay is better. That may sound selfish, and in a way it is... but not entirely. I'm not only seeking financial gains for my own needs, I also seek financial gain to be able to help others. Ever since I graduated, I've done nothing but give service to the less fortunate. I've seen their plight first had, I have seen their needs. I don't earn much, because most of what I earn I give to them. It's about time I secured my future because I'm not getting any younger. I want to seek greener pastures so I could earn more, so that I can save more money. Once that's over, maybe I can start some sort of business, and just be a doctor on the side. I don't want to keep on doing something that I don't really want to do full time. Running a surf and dive shop on some tropical island? That would be the life. Giving service to others as a physician on the side, having enough money to be able to give aid to the less fortunate, yet still being able to live the life I want? Now that would be the dream. :)

Whether I've taken one step closer or one step backward remains to be seen.

Here i am, keeping my fingers crossed.