Rage

If someone handed me a gun earlier, i would have shot everyone in sight, i swear.


I really don't know what's happening to me these days. Somehow, i have become totally numb. I have become morally ambiguous. I could practically do anything and i wouldn't feel bad after. I guess my conscience has totally disappeared. I felt its presence slowly diminishing as days went by, but i couldn't determine the exact point in time when it totally left me. And in a fit of rage, i could practically do anything without any regard for all possible consequences. Instead of thinking, i would just act as i please... or let anyone do anything to me as they please... And i doubt if would feel any remorse after. I believe i could kill someone outright and i wouldn't feel a thing right after. except maybe for that tiny bit of pleasure as i have carried out an inherent carnal craving.


When we see stuff like that in the news, we are shocked. we are appalled. we are dumbfounded. Back then i didn't understand how such individuals acted the way they did. I wondered what could have made them do such horrible things, i wondered about the state of their minds. Surely, no person in his proper state of mind could commit such acts. These people must have gone crazy, and something traumatic must have pushed them onto that breaking point. But now i know that's not always the case. because i have felt that rage in my proper state of mind, and only then was i able to understand. They were fed up with humanity in general. They were fed up with this fucked up world and all its inhabitants. Humans are by nature selfish beings, humans are by nature destructive and violent. Humans are arrogant and they don't care for anyone else but themselves. I know because i am human, and no matter how much i rationalize, no matter how much i try to convince myself otherwise, there's no denying that flicker of my animal side, and i am sure that it is also present in everyone else. We question how such people can harm so many innocent lives, but is anyone really innocent? we are all guilty, either actively or passively. If several people are truly capable of caring unconditionally in this world, they are only a handful. All the rest are scum. If someone handed me a gun earlier i would have gone on a shooting spree before i shoot myself in the head. Everything was so fucked up earlier and i got so tired of all the people, i got so tired of every one's nuances, i got so tired of the chaos in this fucked up world. If someone hadn't come and took me away from all that, i would have totally exploded. I may not have a gun, but i would have totally committed unspeakable acts of violence with my fists in such a fit of rage.I would have wanted nothing more than to end it all right then and there, and i see nothing wrong if i bring a ton of scum along with me. The aftermath may be horrible, but in the long run i would have made this world a better place. I see nothing wrong with that at all, and neither should all of you.