Misconstrued

Sunday night, went to my cousin's party. Met one of her friends, and then there was instant attraction. There was a connection, and we spent hours talking about nothing. Half past twelve, everyone decided to call it a night, and since she didn't have a car, I offered to take her home.

No words were explicitly spoken, but I knew that she knew what I wanted, and i knew that she understood my terms. We were on the same page. Instead of going straight to her house, i made a quick detour. Before we went in, just to make things clear, I told her that all i wanted was something casual--- no commitments, no attachments. I wasn't ready for anything more than that. And as I expected, she agreed. She didn't back out.

It was funny. At the very beginning it was explosive, then halfway through, things started to fizzle out. Maybe it was the alcohol, but somehow, we became too exhausted to move. We both laughed. Then we just cuddled. We began to talk about trivial things at first. Then we talked about work, about family, about future plans, our dreams, about personal problems--- things that you might share with a close friend, with your girlfriend... definitely things you wouldn't talk about with someone you've just met, let alone with someone you're only having a casual encounter with. But there was that connection, and words kept on flowing. We shared so many things, and I felt that I was with someone I actually trust and cared about. And on hindsight, that was the biggest mistake that I made that night: I showed my sensitive side.

Afterward we even had a snack outside, before I took her home. Yup, there was the promise to keep in touch, but promises are understood to be half meant in casual events. The morning after, I received a text message. That was fine, i replied. Honestly, I think that I have gained a new friend out of that experience, no matter how unexpected that may seem... but there's nothing more than that. I didn't want to take it any further. But then the text messages increased in frequency... messages about trivial matters, then messages asking how i was doing, sent mere hours apart from each other. At first I was indifferent, but then I became annoyed. The messages grew in rapid succession, that I found myself too lazy to even give a perfunctory reply out of courtesy. Then she was asking why I wasn't replying to her messages, why it took me so long to reply, why wouldn't I call her. Jesus Christ. Isn't it obvious why i wasn't calling her?! Why should I?! From the very beginning, I told her that all I wanted was something casual. i wasn't looking for a relationship. Now she seems like an overly clingy girlfriend. I guess it was all my fault. Even when you say it out loud, as long as you show your sensitive side, women would think that you're not saying what you really mean--- even when you are saying what you really mean. When I showed that I understood her, I guess she saw me as a potential best friend, or the ideal boyfriend. And what sucks the most? I know that the easiest way to get rid of her is to act like an asshole. Problem is, I find it hard to act like an asshole when I know that I could hurt someone else's feelings. I could just ignore her and hope that she'll eventually get tired, but what does that make of me? And what if she's not one of those girls who can easily get the message?

Ugh. Good thing I'll be leaving in a few weeks. All this will be moot when I'm out of here.