All Things Necessary

Today, we tried to get back to our usual Sunday schedule--- i.e. going to church, shopping at the mall, and eating dinner together as one family. For as long as I can remember, Sunday was Family day--- we can't have other plans on a Sunday. That was a cardinal rule. The only time I was excused from this was when I had to work on Sundays, and there was absolutely no way around it. My dad raised hell a few years back when i chose to attend a friend's birthday celebration over our weekly Sunday habit. If we had some other place to go, it should wait until the family dinner was over. I know how important family is, but there's a need to break away from the tedium once in a while. But I guess in his point of view, family affairs should never be viewed as tedious. And if we ever had to break away from the monotony, we can do it on some other day--- just not on a Sunday.

Since my grandma was in and out of the hospital, this weekly schedule was broken--- at least for the past few months. Since my grandmother's condition seemed to have stabilized, it was decided that we would try go to church together with her. The arsenal was complete--- the wheelchair with the portable oxygen can at the back was the armament of choice. We finished mass without a glitch--- after all, she only sat in her wheelchair the whole time. We planned to just go home and eat dinner after mass, but she said she wanted to buy new shoes for her birthday next week. We figured it would be okay--- after all, she's just going to sit in her wheelchair while window shopping. And when I looked at the shoes that she was wearing, i realized that she does need new shoes. The pair that she was wearing looked like something she had been wearing for years. I've never known her to be extravagant. I guess she got rich because she was extremely thrifty.

I actually found the shopping experience funny. She said she wanted to splurge because it has been a long time since she bought something for herself. Of course we obliged. It was her money, and we wanted to keep her happy. Off we went to the area inside the mall where the most expensive shops stood side by side. My eyes almost popped at the prices. A pair of shoes cost almost a thousand dollars. Some pairs cost even more. I wouldn't be caught dead buying anything so extravagant. If it was some piece of electronic equipment, I would understand. But for shoes, bags, or any piece of clothing, at that price?! It's not just impractical, it's also insensitive, considering these harsh times. But hey, who are we to deny her of her happiness.

So she picked a lot of shoes---- none of which fit because her feet were edematous. Even the largest sizes wouldn't fit. Frustrated, we tried the adjacent stores, but to no avail. We tried other shops, and finally we found several pairs that fit, but they were sold in a shop catering to the middle class. i could see that she wasn't really happy. She wanted those expensive shoes but none of them fit. She began acting like a child that didn't get what she wanted, i thought that she was about to throw a tantrum. She became grumpy and unreasonable. We tried hard to explain that we can't do anything about the situation. Out of frustration and exhaustion, she finally gave up. I know it wasn't amusing for her, but I had to control myself from laughing. It was actually pretty funny. There she was, with money to burn, yet she couldn't buy the shoes that she wanted.

And on the other end of the spectrum, here I am.

My salary is above minimum wage, but it's barely enough, even for my own needs. I could ask money from my parents and grandmother to make things easier, but at my age, my pride would definitely not allow me. My salary is just enough for my daily allowance for food, and to pay my monthly bills. I don't have unnecessary expenses--- at least not anymore. Still, there's barely enough left that I can spend for leisure. When I go out with friends, many times I feel a bit of shame because I often seem like a freeloader, even though they do it voluntarily. I just received my paycheck on the fifteenth of this month, and now it's almost gone. Each month there's not even enough left for savings. At times I even have to withdraw from my savings account at the bank, a few thousand bucks that i have accumulated back when I had a job with better pay--- a few thousand bucks that I swore never to touch unless in times of emergency. If i could barely get buy, i couldn't even imagine how many people could live with even less. Sure, they probably have less things that they deem necessary for daily living since they've been accustomed to a less extravagant way of life... but looking at the prices of even the most basic commodities today, a minimum wage wage earner would be hard pressed to make ends meet on his own. What more if he or she has to support a family. Money disappears all too quickly. It's like a block of ice on a hot summer day. If you turn around even for just a minute, if worst comes to worst, it would be all gone.

A few hours ago, as I went inside my car in the mall parking lot, i just sat down for awhile, without turning the engine on. I looked around. A few yards away, i could see several people--- men, women, and children, sifting through the waste bins. Looking for something--- maybe leftover food, may be something that can be reused and sold, maybe some of them are even hoping that they would find luck. Minutes later, a child screamed with joy, as she found something that looked liked a leftover sandwich, and she eagerly shared it with the others. Their smiles were genuine, and i could tell that at least in that single moment, they were happy. They were living miserable lives, yet even for a short while, they were happy. Simple pleasures. The mere act of fulfilling their basic needs equate to happiness. To some, happiness can be so fleeting. To some, happiness can be so hard to reach. Some people need wealth to be fulfilled. Some people need to be surrounded by extravagant possessions to be happy. And to some unlucky individuals, no amount of money can ever give them happiness. It's just never enough. A car passed by, and that shook me from my semi daydreaming state. One man who looked like the father of the children was carrying a broken stereo to his makeshift cart. His children were carrying some other scraps that they've found in the trash, probably hoping that they could trade some spare parts for cash. I noticed that it was getting dark, another day was about to end. Tomorrow, everyone will face another day, tomorrow is another day that we'll all try to get by. I'm better off than most, but still, I find it hard to get by. My basic needs are always attained, yet I still find it difficult to get by... i can hardly imagine how hard life can be for other people, especially for those who have close to nothing.

As I drove away, I could see the family pushing their cart into the sunset. That was a vision that I'll always remember. When the time comes that i have more to spare, i promise myself that I'll still remember. I swear i will never forget.