Impedance... Redux

Pre residency training redux.

Prison Break fans could relate... Remember how it was in the end of the second season two of prison break, when Michael Scofield found himself in prison again after a tumultuous turn of events? That's exactly how I felt the very moment I reported for duty a week ago, at 4 AM, in the place where I used to work. A slightly different program, but in the exact same department, in the exact same hospital where I submitted my resignation papers more than a year ago. Back to the no eating for a maximum of 2 days, no sleeping for a maximum of three days, no taking a bath for a maximum of a week lifestyle. In a way it's easier the second time around. I already know the ins and outs, I already know the rotten system and the ways to get around it. Plus, the first year residents seem to find it awkward giving me orders, because they know for a fact that if I had not resigned, I would've been their senior. So yeah, work wise, there's less stress involved. But a lot of my seniors have been giving me a very hard time. Clearly, a number of them do not want me back, and some aren't even blunt about it. I'm somewhat ostracized. I feel like an outsider more than ever. Some people who I've used to think as friends now seem like strangers--- as if the months I've spent with them, sharing their work, their problems, their pain... as if those months never even happened. And add the fact that when I did this the first time, I was having fun even though the work load was unphysiologic, because I liked what I'm doing. Now everything's a chore. I even find the whole exercise useless. Pre residency training is meant to orient incoming residents regarding the ins and outs of the system. Geez, technically I've already had more than 8 months of orientation last year. I'm not learning anything new. I even know a lot more than the current first year residents. Not to mention the fact that I can operate on a patient a lot faster. Many times I was tempted to just grab the instruments just to get things done.

Crap. The next 5-6 years of my life trapped in that place. There'd be little time for anything else, because in order to work in the place,you'd have to allow the system to swallow your entire being. But i guess after 5-6 years, i'd finally be able to do what I like, right? Rewards are directly proportionate to the sacrifices we make... at least I hope so.

One person seems to be really happy about all this though--- that's one positive thing I could see. My credit card bills have miraculously been paid, and when I got home this evening, a gourmet meal was waiting for me, prepared by you know who.