The Movie Critic is Back!

The new Twilight movie has earned a gazillion dollars already. I guess it was inevitable that I was bound to watch it, no matter how much I hated all the fanfare surrounding the shitty franchise. It certainly boggles the mind. Can't audiences nowadays invest in something with a little more... substance? Or at least in something that made a little bit more sense? Glimmering vampires. Half naked wolf boys. Teenage girls and seemingly mature women swooning over them. Yeesh. You can say that i just felt the need to write a scathing review. So here it goes.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

I thought the first movie was a load of crap, so i'll try to be as objective as possible.

To be fair, it doesn't suck as much as the first film. For one thing, because of the bigger budget allotted for special effects, it no longer looks like a B movie. It's just a mystery why they couldn't add a few thousand dollars more to make those wolves less cartoony. As for the plot? It's still something only teenage girls would appreciate. A lot of scenes are obviously made to make the tween audience shriek and swoon. This is fan service at its finest. A lot of those scenes are obviously aimed at brainless teenage girls and closet queens. I mean, look at the wolf boy previously known as shark boy. Did he really need to take his shirt off just to bandage a small wound?! And that's just one of the numerous shirtless scenes, i actually lost count. Jesus, this movie has absolutely no qualms when it comes to exploiting a minor just to please its man hungry audience.

The best part? i guess it would have to be the scene wherein the Volturi were beating the shit out of that Edward guy. Only it would've been so much better if they managed to kill him off. Kill off that Bella chick too while they're in the process. Only then will we be spared from all this nauseatingly brainless mush.

...

So in order to get rid of all that barf inducing Twilight aftertaste left in my mouth, I had to watch another movie. Preferably something gory. Which brings us to...

Ninja Assassin

Yup, it's another brainless action movie. Don't expect anything as innovative as The Matrix from the Wachowski brothers this time around. There's a semblance of a thin plot interspersed between the action scenes, but that's about it. No symbolisms and metaphors, just tons of blood and gore. I've seen a lot of better action movies and nothing in this movie makes it stand out, but hey, I'm not complaining. The action scenes were good enough. All those Ninjas onscreen actually made the action sequences more interesting. Ninjas are fun to watch after all. And all the blood and guts splattered onscreen made those scenes extra appetizing. But most of all, it was good enough to get rid of the bitter taste of New Moon that was still left in my mouth.

That alone makes it an above average film in my book.