Crossroads

I'm at a crossroad again. Before, going away and seeking greener pastures elsewhere was out of the question--- because of my principles, I said I wanted to stay where I am and help my own countrymen. But these days, that choice is becoming more and more enticing. Most of my friends from med school have already left. In fact, most of them have started residency training in the US. When I told some friends who are still in the country about my half baked decision to go back to where I used to work... to put it mildly, they thought the decision was STUPID. Why the hell would i go back? Don't I remember how I used to feel back then? It's like eating the food you've just vomited, taking back stuff that you've thrown away in the garbage---- yup, those exact words. It's like hearing my own thoughts coming out from the mouths of others. And to make things even more confusing, one of my closest friends, who was pestering me to go back a few weeks ago, is now telling me that he wants to resign too. He said he has finally realized that he'd rather go abroad also, that it would be the best decision. He says should I decide not to go back and just go abroad, he would instantly resign so that he could join me. He just doesn't want to do it alone. Truth is, I still want to serve my own countrymen. I still don't think I would be comfortable treating foreign patients. What makes that path so attractive is the chance to finally get away--- away from all the pressure, away from being controlled, to finally put an end to the feeling of being imprisoned. Sure I would miss some people, sure there are a lot of things that would make me want to stay, but with the weight things are now, the desire to leave is so overwhelming that I can't help but overlook the things that I would regret leaving behind. Am I really ready to make such a big step, or is this another case of making decisions haphazardly? It could be that I'm so clouded by emotions that I can't think clearly. I might make another decision that I might regret. I actually applied for a slightly different program. It's the straight program for cardiovascular surgery. Yup, it's still in the same department, but it's a sub-specialty that to my knowledge, my dad has no connections. If I get accepted, I would think that it would be done fairly. No under the table deals. If I get accepted, then maybe it was meant to be. I may be meant to stay here. I guess I have to wait for a month or so, wait for how things would turn out. Then i would make my final decision.

Catching Up With Movies

I have some extra time these days, so I'm catching up with movies that I wanted to see last year but failed to do so because I did not have the time. :)

The first movie i saw yesterday was Into the Wild, which is based on a true story. It's about a young college graduate named Chris McCandless, and his quest for self discovery. Shortly after graduation, Chris gives his life savings to charity, burns all of his identification, and begins hitchhiking across America, his ultimate goal being Alaska. The film is directed by Sean Penn---- if you found the other movies that he directed boring, then this one will surely bore you to death. It's a slow moving film, and with a running time of 2 hours and 30 minutes, this film is not for those people who do not have any time to spare. It's an introspective film, perfect when you're in the mood for a little reflection. And while some may be turned off by the somewhat selfish pursuits of the lead character, most people could probably relate to his search for happiness and fulfillment... after all, those are the things that most of us have been searching for all our lives. His final realization--- that happiness is only real when shared, was truly a poignant moment. Is it any wonder why I really liked this movie?

The next movie--- The Mist. The movie is based from a short story by Stephen King. That's one reason why I wasn't interested in watching this movie. In general, movies based on literary works pale in comparison to the source material. In most cases, they suck. But movies based on Stephen King novels take suckdom to a whole new level. They really really really really REALLY suck. I don't know if it's because of financial constraints resulting to really bad special effects, or it's the simple fact that his stories cannot really translate well to the big screen. I mean, what happened to the film versions of literary gems such as The Stand, Apt Pupil, Hearts in Atlantis?! To those people who argue that The Green Mile, The Shawshank Redemption, and The Shining were great movies--- yeah, they're good. But try reading the original novels, and you'll see that they still suck--- even if it's only a bit.

That's why The Mist came as a pleasant surprise. It's directed by Frank Darabont, who also directed both The Green Mile and Shawshank Redemption--- films that were considered as effective adaptations of the original novels. That's one point the film has got going for it. The small setting probably helped in making the feeling of dread much more easier to convey, but perfect casting was probably the major factor. For instance, the actress playing that religious fanatic was so good, I got so affected that I wanted to pull her from the TV screen and strangle her. LOL. As expected, the weakest scenes are the ones where the obviously fake CG monsters appear, but the during the scenes involving human interactions--- showing their weaknesses, personal conflicts, primordial reactions... the movie really shines that you'd soon forget those not so special effects. Who would've thought that a horror movie could turn out to be such a exceptional study of faith and human nature.

Another movie that I saw yesterday was Sunshine. Here's the synopsis: Five decades into the future, the sun is dying, and Earth is running out of time. After the failure of a previous mission, it's up to the crew of the Icarus II to reignite the star with a stellar bomb--- to create a star within a star.

I'll go out on a limb and give it five stars. I usually like sci-fi movies that delve into the realm of pseudo reality, and I get absolutely ecstatic when I get to watch one that's done well. Sunshine is a film directed by Danny Boyle, the same guy who directed the movie 28 Days Later. That should already serve as a caveat--- if you're one of those people who failed to appreciate the genius shown by that zombie movie, then you're better off not watching Sunshine. If you don't mind talky and brooding movies, and if you're okay with movies that have a limited backdrop, then you might give this movie a try. After the first 20 minutes every scene becomes tension filled, and the feeling of claustrophobia can be overwhelming. The excellent cinematography deserves special mention--- it's like watching a NASA special feature. The acting is superb, Cillian Murphy is excellent as always. And who would've thought Chris Evans could look credible in a serious role? Sure it gets pretty generic in the third act, when it delves into slasher film territory... the ending was also predictable... and highly intellectual audiences could point out a number of factual errors... but taken in its entirety, no one can deny that this is one very polished film. This movie deserved so much more than what it made in the US box office. I mean--- total gross is only a little more than 3 million dollars?! WTF! The Dark Knight is still making that much on a single weekend day!

Anyway... I think these three films were great, and I highly recommend all of them. :)

In The Spotlight Again

I hate being the center of attention. Yeah, I have the occasional fantasies of becoming a rock star, but I would never take the step to convert those fantasies into reality. That fantasy would forever remain in the confines of my bedroom and bathroom. LOL. If I liked all the attention, I would've agreed to several modeling and acting jobs offered to me a few years back. The easy money made those offers really tempting... but after some thought, I came to the conclusion that that just wouldn't be me. I wouldn't be comfortable with that line of part time work. I hate being noticed, it makes me really uncomfortable. I hate being talked about, I hate it when people keep looking at me, and especially when they blatantly stare at me. That's why I always try to keep a low profile... something that would never work no matter how hard I try, according to some of my close friends, because some of my features really stand out in a crowd. Like my eyebrows. Or my light complexion. Plus the fact that for some weird reason I still look clean even when I'm all sweaty and wearing really dirty clothes, and even when I haven't taken a bath for a week, which made me really stand out in that place where I used to work. Even when I'm minding my own business and my facial expression practically screams LEAVE ME ALONE, sometimes even a stranger would approach--- in the library, in a restaurant, in bar, in the gym, wherever. When I'm at work, I'm usually the one patients approach for consult. For some reason, I just stick out even when i'm not doing anything.

By now a lot of people have heard the news that I would most probably be going back to where I used to work-- practically a done deal since I already took the exam and I'm scheduled for another interview this week. Just like that, I'm the talk of the town again--- that is, if they ever did stop talking about me. As much as I'd hate it, all eyes would be on me the very moment I step on those hallowed grounds again. To make matters worse, it has come to my attention that the things my dad did late last year has become common knowledge... and people ahave been talking about it repeatedly. How he asked several politicians and a number of the biggest contributor's to the hospital fund to call the hospital director, insisting that they should hire me back--- never mind the fact that I did not really want to. It's what my dad wants. I found it hard to keep a low profile before, no matter how hard I tried to stay in the background. Now all the attention is enormously magnified,probably a hundredfold.

If only there was a way to turn off that damn spotlight.