A Heroic Rip-Off?

Yeah, I know the TV series Heroes isn't exactly new... in fact, the first season is over. Forgive me for I never had time to watch TV shows on a regular basis since 2004 --- when my medical clerkship started. And to think prior to that, I stay glued to the television the minute I get home until the wee hours of the morning... even if there's an exam the following day. Lol. Anyway, I've been hearing praises about this show for months now, and I've managed to sneak peeks on several episodes sporadically, and I liked what I saw. I have high expectations for this show, primarily because it's written by Jeph Loeb, who also wrote two of my favorite Batman graphic novels--- The Long Halloween and Dark Victory. It's like watching one of those superhero movies that I loved, only on TV. It's like Mutant X, without the campy feeling! See, I'm a sucker for TV shows wherein the characters have super powers. If I've managed to watch all episodes of Mutant X without cringing, then Heroes would really be phenomenal in my point of view.

But I was a bit bothered by the episode entitled "O.O7%". With the way things are going, the whole plot seems like a rip-off of Watchmen. Yeah, I know there are differences, but anyone who has read Watchmen would suspect something fishy going on. It can't be a coincidence. Did the producers of this TV show think no one would notice since that graphic novel was released more than 20 years ago? Warner Brothers is planning to make a Watchmen movie. Would they take such a risk? The movie would definitely cost a lot, with all the special effects required to do justice to the novel... Is it worth the risk knowing that a lot of their would be viewers would think "this is just a big budgeted rip off of HEROES"?

I think the show is great... but ripping off an idea from another great piece of work--- if they indeed rip off the storyline of Watchmen... it leaves such a bad taste in the mouth.

My Fickle Mind

First of all, tell me... has anyone seen a person as ugly as the one pictured above? It won't matter much if he at least had a good soul, but his attitude is just as bad as his looks. Plus he stinks like hell, even if he just took a bath.

It's the second day since I've gone AWOL (Absence Without Official Leave). I've not doing much. I'm not outside partying, I'm just staying in my room most of the time. i've heard that fatso has been spreading the news that he WAS the one who made me quit, and he's so happy while he's telling the news, as if being responsible for making someone quit his job is something to be proud of. What a BIG, FAT, prick. He must think I quit because I'm afraid of him. hah! nothing could be further from the truth. I kept rejecting his calls yesterday morning.He then sent a message that I should have a good reason for dropping his calls. lol. if i was afraid of his big fat stinky ass, I wouldn't have dared drop his calls. Truth is, I wanted to answer his calls and tell him what i thought of him... but then it would take me days just enumerating his faults. Actually, I decided to quit just out keep out of trouble. At this state, any confrontation with him would lead to shouting expletives at each other, most probably even exchanging punches. That would've made great news--- a first year who exchanged punches with his senior. I'm no rebel... I respect most of my seniors, and it's okay from them to shout at me. I know they have valid reasons for being pissed. But this fatso--- it would've been okay for him to go on power tripping like that, making everyone feel how he's so superior to everyone else, if he was REALLY SUPERIOR. He sucks as a senior. Always late, sleeps all the time, and the other seniors keep covering his BIG FAT ASS. How great it would be to squeal on him. And we all know how lousy he was as a first year resident.

I didn't quit because it was toxic. I've been through so much worse. And I don't mind having truckloads of work dumped on me. I'm used to obey seniors, i can be submissive, and I respect authority. There are very few times when I feel the need to stand up and defend my rights, and at those instances, i feel that I'm the one who's right. There's a difference when seniors tell you to do stuff because those are things that really need to be done... in the case of fatso here, who's so power hungry, he throws orders in such a way that would make him feel so powerful, and us juniors feel like shit.

Even when it was incredibly toxic when I was rotating in trauma, i didn't really mind the workload because I had such supportive seniors. When I talk to them, I feel like I'm talking to actual human beings. In contrast, even if there's minimal workload, it feels as if you have a huge burden to carry if your seniors are ass wipes. I'd be content not seeing that ugly face for the rest of my life.

I didn't quit because I'm afraid of anyone. if I don't speak up when I'm being scolded, that simply means I respect that person. If I have no respect fro him or her, then I'm trying very hard not to answer back. I'm not afraid of anyone.

It was my sane mind that made me reach this decision. If I stayed, it was inevitable that there'd be a commotion. A confrontation cannot be avoided, not at this late stage.

But after 2 days away from it all, it seems that I actually miss having 0-2 hours of sleep a day...

I miss not taking a bath, not brushing my teeth... I'm not used to being clean anymore!

I miss shelling out for patients, because I'm helping our less fortunate brothers and sisters after all...

I miss the adrenaline rush i get whenever there are emergency cases...

I miss the hospital, with its limited supplies, its 8 elevators--- 6 of which are currently non functioning, so there's a delay in bringing those emergency cases to the operating room...


I miss the smile I get from my patients, even if I'm just passing by... I miss those thank yous I get even if I think I haven't helped them at all...

I miss my co- first year residents, who's schedules have surely become more hectic because the work allotted for me has been dumped on them... damn this stupid conscience!

I miss their company because in a span of a few months, I've found some real friends in them...

I guess I miss having something to do, something to keep my mind off things...

And now i'm thinking of going back.


Christ.


i must be out of my mind.

Ready to be Transformed

WOW! I've just seen the latest trailer for the Transformers... yeah I know, it was released a month ago, but I can't exactly keep track of what's going on in the outside world. The earlier trailers were ho-hum... i was thinking.. "i know this was going to suck"... "how could I have faith in Michael Bay?!"... you get my drift. But the latest trailer... All those giant robots in action, such glorious eye candy!!! Christ, I almost wet my pants! haha. and the best part is-- they're using the exact same sound that was used in the 80's cartoon when the robots are transforming! who cares about the story?! if we get at least 30 minutes of giant robots fighting, I'm going to be one very happy man once I step out of the movie theater. :)

The Same Sordid Ordeal

During my pre-residency training, one first year resident told me that the hardest thing about being a first year resident isn't the inhuman work load, it not even the unphysiologic schedule... it's pretending you're afraid when you have nothing to be afraid of. i didn't understand what he was talking about then, but i understand it now. I've just had about it with some of my senior residents. It's funny how everytime I do my "walk out", they think it's because I'm afraid to face my seniors because of something I've done or failed to do. yeesh. I walk out to keep my cool-- to keep myself from shouting back at those assholes. I'm tired of pretending to be afraid of people who have nothing to be proud of. It's hard to pretend you're afraid of those people, or even pretend you respect them when you know deep inside that the image they project, or at least the image they try to project, is all for show. In reality, they're nothing but losers.



Take this big, fat, stinky, balding ogre who tries to projects himself as a senior resident. It's common knowledge that he was such a lousy resident when he was in first year. With the way he treats us, with the way he points out our mistakes, you'd think he won the Mr. Perfect Resident Award. He keeps on shouting and making uncalled for comments--- he's trying to be the Terror resident that all juniors are afraid of. Yeesh. What wishful thinking. and As if the terror approach still works these days. Why do that approach when you can get the same results by talking to your juniors in a civilized manner? For me at least,I perform better when it's the nice seniors who ask me to do errands. When they get mad, my conscience keeps on bothering me. I mean, these are good people, how can I have the heart not to perform well for them? And when those "terror" residents get mad? i couldn't care less. I wish they'd have a heart attack with all that anger that they release when i fuck up. Who cares if they shout at me? What they say goes out my other ear anyway. And there's a wicked pleasure when they get pissed off when I mess things up. Most of the time, I do it on purpose. I mean, If I can't shout expletives at them outright, the best way to get revenge is to do it discreetly... fuck things up so that they'll get so pissed. And when i foul things up, the consultants don't get mad at me anyway--- they get mad at those seniors. Sweet! That fat bastard seems to be noticing my game plan though. He asked several seniors and they all say I perform well. He then wondered why I always seem to foul things up when he's the one asking me to do errands. I guess he'll have to be such a dumb ass not to figure it out eventually. Treat me with respect, then I'll give you respect. Treat me like shit then I'll treat you like shit. Seniority doesn't give anyone the authority to treat others like they're not people. That fat bastard would never be the terror resident he's trying to be. poor bastard. TO instill fear in your subordinates, you have to have some form of authority. To have authority, you have to have something that they'll want to emulate, you have to be someone worth idolizing. FAT, BALDING, STINKY, LAZY. Nope, there's nothing I'll want to emulate there. To have authority, at least you have to gain respect of your juniors. I'll say it again... FAT, BALDING, STINKY, LAZY. nope, there's nothing to respect there either.

Several days ago, I wanted to shout back at him, then quit afterwards. Again, he shouted at me through the phone--- because the case that he was supposed to operate on got deferred. I mean, why shout at me? The patient's hemoglobin was 50, waaaaay below the normal level, and she had ongoing blood loss. Would any sane person want to go ahead and operate such a high risk person? I told him I asked our team captain if i can bring the next patient up and bring that patient down instead until she was stable.The asshole said it's HIS case, why do I keep on saying our team captain's name. D'oh. Hey fatso, you're not team captain yet, you have less authority! stupid!!!! wait til next year when you become team captain! then he said he waited all night for that case to be brought up to the operating room. LIAR! I know for a fact that he went home then fell asleep like an elephant, that's why he wasn't answering his phone when i was trying to call him! He then said I never called him. Often he tells me to throw away my phone when I fail to answer his calls (I say i didn't hear the phone ring... truth is,I do it on purpose. haha.). I would have loved to say that back at him. I'll never throw away my phone though... it might be more than two years old, but it still looks more expensive than his whole damned life.

so.. what stopped me from quitting that time? the thought that such a loser would make me quit would make me seem like a bigger loser. I should have a valid reason. This career isn't worth sacrificing just so one fat ogre would get the last laugh. I can't let him cherish the thought that he made a resident quit. Such losers in life don't deserve such honor. They don't deserve to feel like winners even for one single moment in this lifetime.