Change

Funny how a lot of things have changed in just one month.

I first noticed this yesterday, when I was walking around our neighborhood. It seems that i have been transported into another world, in another time. More than two weeks ago, there was a huge storm. I was on duty at the emergency room at that time, so i really didn't witness its intensity, but I knew it caused a lot of damages, based from news reports, and from the number of trauma patients coming in. Most of them seem to have lost their common sense momentarily, thinking it would be safe to go out, even with the strength of the wind blowing outside. I went out for a few seconds before the peak of the storm, and at that time, it was hard enough for me to keep my balance. The electricity was cut off from the hospital for two days, and several areas were flooded with water. Imagine hospital where no x-rays, no laboratory procedures can be done, yet patients kept flooding in. It looked like a disaster area. And when I came home after two days, I was really surprised to see that the ceiling in our house was non existent--- when i looked up, i could see our tin roof. SOme of the furniture were also wet. It must really be one very strong storm because our house became flooded for the first time, and the ceiling in most rooms of our house actually collapsed. For some reason, it's been two weeks and repairs have yet to be started. And when i was walking outside earlier today, it seems like our neighborhood was witness to a war. I never noticed it before because I leave our house before sunrise, and if ever I get to go home, it would be past midnight. A month ago, the whole street was filled with lush greenery. Now it looks so empty. The storm has probably swept the greenery away. A lot of trees have apparently fell down. A lot of houses were in worse states than ours. One significant event can drastically change everything--- just like that.

Even when I was driving yesterday, I felt a bit lost. In a months time, several traffic rules were changed--- and some of those changes really seem stupid. Good thing it was late at night and no cops seemed to be around--- i'd hate to be apprehended again, i'd hate to do all that pleading and begging. It's easy to get used to some changes, but it's hard to get used to changes that doesn't seem to make sense... or changes that were made to something that was better, to something that is of value to you, to something you've been used to, to something very familiar, that it now lies very close to your heart, that it becomes a part of who you are.

Like the changes that are about to happen to me in a few months time. I'll be leaving a part of me behind, I'll be leaving a life behind.

As years pass by, as I grew up, there have been a lot of changes. Before, I can choose to be carefree... these days, that does not seem to be an option, else there would be consequences. Once upon a time I can party all day and all night, now I seem to be slowly getting tired of that lifestyle. I'm growing up. I'm about to finally move completely into my adult phase, leaving my childhood self behind. It's not like I have an option... It's not something I want to do, but something I have to do, so that I won't get left behind. Change is a requirement in this path that I have taken. Before I was a TV addict... I can sit all day just watching TV. I had a lot of favorite shows. These past 2 years, I gave up that luxury, because I did not have time. I hear some friends talking about cool new shows like LOST and PRISON BREAK, shows that I would have loved to watch. Some of my favorite shows like ALIAS have ended, some like 24 are still around, but I have no idea what the storylines are these days. I used to read one novel a month... now I have novels that i bought 2 years ago but I have yet to finish. I can still watch movies occasionally, but that's another luxury that I might have to give up next year. Same with going out with friends, hanging out at bars, drinking the night away,not a care in the world--- at least for one fun-filled night. In the past, there where days when I can just lie down and daydream, days when I can just sit down and write poems and short stories, pick up my pencil, draw some sketches, or paint some portraits. Such simple pleasures have now become luxuries. These days I would rather spend my free time sleeping, a necessity which has also become a luxury. With such simple pleasures that are slowly dissipating, I seem to be moving towards an incredibly mechanical and boring life.

It would be easier if it seems that I'll be leaving something worse for something better, when it would seem that I will be leaving for greener pastures that lie ahead... but with all these doubts and apprehensions, there's a possibility that i'll be exchanging a tumultuous but a good life overall for something that's worse.

Amidst all the confusion and apprehensions, here i go again typing such gibberish.