Adulthood Delayed

It seems that the secret for eternal youth is to keep on studying. It may not hinder one's physical growth--- the added stress can even hasten the wear and tear --- but it surely keeps you feeling young. Even at my age, i feel lost in the ways of the real world. And instead of acting my age, at times I act like people who are 5 years younger than I am.

As I look at my peers, especially those I've known since high school and college, I can see the difference. Most of them started working 5 years ago, when I entered med school. You can say they had a head start in the real world. They've been employed for several years now. Many of them are already married with kids. They already receive salaries that I can only dream of. They also act mature and more responsible.. while i act like some teenager, with few responsibilities, someone who can afford to party all night, wasting my days doing practically nothing. I can see the way some of those old friends look at me. They might think I'm immature. The truth is, i really feel young. How can I not feel young? up to now, I still depend on my parents for almost everything because I still have no source of income. I'm currently a bum, doing nothing of worth. I'm feeling the way they felt 5 years ago. It's as if my growth was delayed for 5 years... you might say that 5 years was taken away from me, as if someone pushed the pause button, and it is only now that my life is playing again. My life as a student has been extended. and although I'll already have a salary come January, residency and fellowship training, which is how I would spend the next 8-10 years, is practically a continuation of my studies. Sometimes I wonder if I've made the right decision, seeing the life my old friends are living now. It will be years before I'll be in their position. They say it's a mixed bag--- there are a lot of sweet stuff, but there are hefty responsibilities that come with the good stuff. They say i have the better life. I see their point. I can act like a fool without hurting others. I can do many things that adults can only be nostalgic about. Sometimes though, I wonder if my life really is better. Sometimes i feel as if I'm going nowhere, as if that pause button still remains pressed...

sometimes it feels like I'm stuck in some sort of limbo.