Payback

So my right eye is still swollen, and my left cheek still hurts a bit. Man, it's been a long time since i got into a fight. How i wish i was totally prepared for it, so that the stupid asshole would've known exactly who he was dealing with. I've been wishing for an actual fist fight for months, and when it came unexpectedly, i was totally unprepared. fuck. my. life.


It was a real fun night. Just hanging out, we just kept on drinking and drinking. nothing special, but we were having fun. At least i was. And when i called my close friend a bitch--- a word that i meant as a term of endearment when i said it, some asshole suddenly punched me in the face. Partly because i was already tipsy, mostly because i was totally caught by surprise, i wasn't able to react quickly. I fell, then another punch  to the side of my head. I wasn't feeling any pain. Maybe i was numb from all the alcohol. Or maybe that asshole just throws weak punches. And oddly enough, i was calm. I just asked him why the fuck did he punch me. and then there goes another punch. The way i reacted was kinda funny, now that i think about it. it's just not the proper reaction when someone punches you in the face. and it's definitely not the reaction one would expect from me--- after all, rage has been bubbling underneath my skin for months now, threatening to break free without any warning. But i'm happy when i'm drinking. I guess that's why i was calm, i guess that's why i had self control. The fact that those weren't very strong punches made it easy for me to brush everything off. And yeah, though my friend's denying it, it does appear that they are in a relationship. subconsciously, i guess i was also thinking about her. And i was a lot older than that asshole, so the mature path was mine to take. By the time we were on our way home, i was already laughing about it. I was just gonna chalk it up to experience and move along. another story from my colorful little life that we can talk about on some other drunken night.


But god, when i woke up with a swollen eye and a painful jaw, all that rage started to pour in. The calming effect of the alcohol was gone, and i was back to my normal, spiteful self. I wanted nothing more than to get back at that asshole. On my normal state, i have made guys bigger than him fall, and i can definitely make him pay for what he did. yeah, i called our friend a bitch, but is he aware of the state of our friendship for him to decide if i offended her or not? We've been friends for twelve years, and we call each other names in jest--- all the time. And even if he wasn't aware of it, any sane person can tell with the way i spoke that i didn't call her that in a derogatory manner. He took the word for its literal meaning without analyzing the context of how i said it. god, how stupid is he? and let's say i did mean calling people names, can't we have a discussion on it first? he goes ahead and just throw punches as he pleases? yeah i admit i curse a lot, but that's the way i am, that's how i speak, that's my normal vocabulary. he has no right to tell me how to speak to people, especially when i only say those words casually and in a friendly, non provoking manner. it's not like i have a motive to continually offend people. if people get offended, bring it up with me and i'll try to control the words coming out of my mouth. no one has a right to force me to cleanse my language, and no one has the right to go ahead and use force instead of discussing such issues with me first. I'm no hypocrite, i admit i have a very short temper, but i don't go around just punching people just to make them conform to what i think is proper. i don't go around hitting people without having some sort of discussion first. and i don't go around throwing punches unless someone is undeniably provoking me first.


You bet i'm gonna get back at him. there's just no way i'm not. but this bitch that i used to call my friend just wouldn't tell me where i can find that stupid lameass boytoy of hers. i'm gonna find out sooner or later, and when that day comes, he's gonna regret ever messing with me. it's not about my male ego, it's about being fair. it's about being just.  it's about teaching a very irrational person a thing or two about life. If he can't adapt to different people, if he can't tolerate how different i am from him, then he might as well live in an asylum or something. Or he might as well drop dead. if i could find i way to get away with murder, then i would. That dumbass needs to pay. And the world would be a better place with less assholes like him, i'd be doing this shitty world a small favor. Again i'm not being a hypocrite. He's the one who started this, i'm only gonna finish it. because clearly, he's not strong enough to finish this whole mess himself.

Religulous

Though i don't really care about religion, i've always been tolerant and respectful of other people's beliefs. I may silently mock them, but I never say all those thoughts out loud. It also never occurred to me to try and sway people from their beliefs. I know having faith in something can have some benefits, especially when people have nothing else to turn to. It gives people that false sense of security and comfort, and during times of duress, a false sense of comfort is better than no sense of comfort at all. but religion has this tendency to make people throw the very basics of common sense out the window. Many times, i just find myself shaking my head.


For months our mother has been pestering us to have a pilgrimage of sort--- the whole family, simply because it's better if the whole family went. we will receive more blessings. it's not very far, just a five hour drive... but to me, driving for five hours just to visit some "special" church just seems so trivial... and unnecessary. it had to be postponed several times due to conflicts with out schedules--- hey, we all have different lives, and it can be a daunting task to fix out schedules so that we can have one similar day off from work. then she finally put her put down. we had to do it this month because if we postponed it any further, something bas will happen. whatever that was exactly, i didn't even bother to ask. her answer will probably be some more superstitious religious nonsense, and that would piss me off even more. but to days before that trip, i came down with the flu. i told them i'd rather not go with them, but both of my parents gave me that look they gave me whenever they felt the need to start one of their tirades, so i knew better that to argue. even with a fucking cold, even if i had a fever, even if i hadn't even slept yet, i went with them. I was blowing my nose during that whole trip, but gives a shit. we were  headed toward sacred grounds, and once we get there everything will be all right.


By the time we arrived, i just walked around. So this was that special church, which looked no different from all the churches i've seen. well, it was more dilapidated than most, i wonder if that's what makes it so special. No use kneeling down someplace and pretend to pray. there were probably more than a hundred people kneeling, praying aloud, some even crying. a lot of people were rubbing their handkerchiefs on some statues, as if those statues were their gods or something. oh what a sight to see. i just took pictures of the different sights, trying to take artistic shots of anything i laid my eyes on. then suddenly, someone familiar was standing a few feet away from me, looking directly at me, smiling.... it was the lord Jesus Christ himself... okay i'm just kidding. it was my aunt, who's an even bigger religious freak than my mom. she was all giddy as she was walking toward me.


She said she was so happy to see me there, unexpectedly. truly the lord works in mysterious ways blah blah blah. she asked me who i was with, and when i told her she exclaimed more religious nonsense. when i brought her back to where my parents were, she told them that we should all go to this blessed well a few miles away, because when you bathe yourself with the water coming out of that well, all of your ailments will go away. that's how her arthritis disappeared she said. her daughter's psoriasis was also cured after she bathed herself with the water from that well, and all her doctors were completely baffled. and then there was this guy who had cancer and he was cured miraculously a few days after bathing in the well.  oh please. ever heard of coincidences? ever heard of remissions? ever heard of the natural course of psoriasis, and how it comes and goes? she knew that my mom was developing arthritis, so she told us that we should definitely go. and then she noticed me sneezing and blowing my nose, and she told me once i washed my face with the water coming out of the well,  my cold would go away in an instant. i felt like telling her that i was probably just allergic to bullshit, because i've been hearing a lot of that these past few days, but like a good nephew, i just chose to smile and stay silent. so to make a long story short, we went to that fucking well. my mom washed her hands, my dad even took off his shirt and washed his whole body. my sisters washed their faces. to my surprise, my aunt drank some of the water. she told me to drink some too, so that my cough would go away.... ehhh... ever heard of microbial organisms, a lot of which thrive in rural wells? but what the heck, i washed my nose, washed my neck, and because the heat was already getting to me, i played along and washed my hair and torso. for a minute my cold was gone, and i though--- shit. miracles do happen. I was wrong, the lord is real, i should repent! repent! ... then i sneezed again. and i had to blow my nose. i looked at my aunt and i guess she knew what i was thinking. miracles don't happen immediately she said. the faithful knows how to wait. like i said. bullshit.


i'm cynical. Yeah i may be stubborn at times. but i'm also fucking objective. if you want me to have faith in something or someone, then show me something concrete to hold on to, something that could justify my faith in him or in it. I'm sorry to say this, but blind faith is for morons. it's not just ridiculous, it's also fucking stupid. just look at the things some people do for religion, and look at the things religion does to them. worshipping statues. drinking from a dirty well. believing in a whole lot of superstitious nonsense. and look at the most extreme cases, suicide bombers all in the name of the goes that they worship. these people are too gullible or just simply stupid. no wonder they have so much faith in their religion. Religion should be used to guide you, people should use it make better persons of themselves. Instead of guiding people, religion just shows other people how stupid some people can get. Nothing can be more ridiculous than that.