It's been almost a month since I've been back... and I've been anything but happy.The drive that I once had seems to be vanishing. I've become sloppy with my work. Probably because I had the wrong reasons for going back. I felt sorry for my batchmates--- their work load, which is heavy enough as it is, would be even greater when there's one less person in the work force.. another reason--- one consultant actually called me on the phone, persuading me for two hours to re-assess my decision and eventually come back. I found it hard to turn him down. Plus the fact that a lot of my seniors, batchmates, interns have been sending me text messages and trying to call me--- that maybe think that maybe I was really needed. I felt bad because it seeemed that I turned my back on a lot of people who needed me.
Everything was fine at first. Everyone, except for one person, seemed happy that I went back. Especialy my batchmates, although some of their reasons might be selfish--- they might just think of me as someone who'll take some burden away from them, and not as a friend who was sorely missed. Some really missed me though. One friend actually shed tears of joy. A lot were taunting me, the prodigal son has returned, that's what they said, all in good manner. But how can all be well when I kept thinking of how good if felt to have those few days of rest? there was still a lot of things I wanted to do that I could no longer do now that I've returned to the world of slavery. There were times that I didn't sleep for three days. One time I didn't eat for more than 48 hours. Never ending rounds, no time to rest... who would want that life, when I've just been exposed to a better life, when I've been re-exposed to a life without torture?
Almost everyday, i've been tempted to just go away again. The prodigal son wants to run away again, as if returning to such a dysfunctional home seemed like a bad decision.
