It's been more than a year since i've been to the top floor of our house. That was February of last year, two days after i came home. That was when my grandpa was asking about the things that were happening to him, and i gave him one wrong answer after another. On that top floor, there was my grandpa's room. Adjacent to it was a makeshift basketball court where my brother and i used to play when we were kids. On the rooftop was a small garden, and when there weren't too many building around almost twenty years ago, we could see as far as the ocean back then. Back then, it was some sort of sanctuary from me. Back then, it was all serene and quiet, and i used to go there when i needed to get away from it all. It was yesterday afternoon when i decided to go upstairs. There was no specific reason. I just thought of going up there all of a sudden.
Most of plants have died now, save for a few which were beginning to wilt. The soil was dry and cracked. The iron chairs we placed there were now all rusty. Privacy and serenity were things of the past. Before our house towered all above the others, now several buildings were around us, and the tenants of the apartments right next to us can see me clearly if they chose to look out their windows. I could no longer feel a breeze, i could no longer breathe fresh air. I could no longer see the ocean. All i see are smog and skyscrapers blocking the view. It's no longer a view that can foster joy and relaxation. The sight i see now is simply depressing.
I went inside my grandpa's room, and it looked as if a bomb hit it some time last year. The sight that I saw shocked me. The last time i was here everything looked okay, it didn't seem so dilapidated. I dunno, maybe it was and i just didn't take notice. Now all the paint on the walls were peeling. Thick dust covered his bed and the floors, i left shoe prints everywhere i walked. I saw family pictures beneath the glass covering one table, our faces unrecognizable due to the damage caused by water that had managed to seep through the walls. It's amazing how a year of neglect can make such a difference. Before, proper maintenance managed to hide all the wear and tear. Now it's exposed for all the world to see. If i didn't know better i would've thought that this room had been abandoned for years.
And then i looked up and i saw the basketball ring. I was never good at that sport, i never played it unless i had to, like during our physical education classes because i had to be graded, or during intramural games in high school because our class lacked players. But playing with my brother when we were kids was the exception. There were no rules, there was no pressure to perform well. We played by our own rules and we made them up as we went along. Come to think of it, the only times my brother and i got along well was during play time.... until we argued about something about whatever we were playing, then we'd end up fighting like we always did. lol. But I spent many summers up there with my brother, and during the extremely warm days of summer when i close my eyes and everything's all quiet, i smell fresh grass. I smell the flowers on our rooftop. I hear birds chirping. i see myself playing on the streets with people i've already lost touch with. I see the view of the ocean from a distance. i see myself playing with my brother on that makeshift basketball court in our rooftop. And I hear my grandpa cheering us as he watched us through the window of his room.I have no idea when that backboard broke and how it broke. I guess 20 years is a long time for even the sturdiest of boards. Twenty years is a long time for anything. Anything is bound to break sooner or letter, all things tend to pass away some time. It's funny how time flies by so fast. It seems like it was only yesterday when everything seemed so much different. People just become so preoccupied with many other things, most of them unnecessary, that we tend to become blind to the changes happening around us. We tend to ignore the changes to the things that we become familiar with, to the changes in the things that we used to cherish. To the things that were once essential, but has since lost relevance. I guess i went upstairs because i remembered the feeling of peace i felt back then, every time i spent all those afternoons alone on the roof top alone... and i really missed that feeling. It was something that i wanted. It was a feeling that i was yearning for. But when i went up, i discovered a very different place. It all seemed very alien to me. It could no longer offer the peace of mind that i was looking for. Its time had passed a long time ago. I never went back when it could still give me that reprieve that i needed. Like may things in my life that i have somehow neglected and disregarded, the realization came too late. It's a sad fact of life. For most people, regrets always come in the end. All we could so is wish for a way to turn back time, but there's nothing more we can do but wish for the impossible. We failed to act when our actions could have meant something. We never think of doing something until it's already too late.
