On one duty night, one senior resident told me to prepare needs for biopsy and have everything ready by 10 PM. It was just past 8 PM then,so I prescribed the needs, figured I'd eat dinner then return before 10 PM to see if the needs were complete. It was 9:50 PM and I was checking the needs and asking the nurse to prepare a room for biopsy. The my cellular phone rang, it was the senior resident asking if everything was ready. I told him I was checking if the patient's needs were complete. He shouted expletives, saying I should've checked earlier... even if it wasn't 10 PM yet.
sheesh...
the next night, this same resident was supposed to operate on a certain patient, but several trauma patients came in, so our patient's operation kept bumping back. I heard from another senior resident that he decided to go home, and that he will operate on the patient instead of him. I managed to bring the patient up by 3 AM, then I informed the resident that the patient was already at the operating room. A few minute later, my cellular phone rang. It was the first resident shouting expletives at me, asking why I didn't inform him that his patient was already at the operating room, then he hanged up the phone. What the fuck was that all about?! HIS PATIENT?! I've had it. It's okay for people to shout expletives at me as long as I've done something wrong... but to curse me just like that?! I was just about to call him back and shout expletives right back at him when a batchmate of mine tried so hard to help me control my temper. I've just about had it with these power trippers, these people who think they're so superior when in truth they're not... I've almost had it with these mother f*cking assh*les.
I've been thinking of other options... what I could do instead, if ever I decide to quit... because it seems inevitable. Maybe surgery training in a private hospital would be better... there would be less patients, which isn't necessarily a bad thing... i'd get more rest. plus I'd actually save my earnings since i won't be using my salary to buy my patient's needs. Also, does more patients really mean more learning? I think there's a learning curve... initially, more patients would mean more learning. But there's the point where the curve goes down, when you get overworked, when the load is too much, that learning becomes non existent... Recently, i'm also thinking if surgery is indeed my calling. these days, I silently groan averytime I'd have to go inside to operating room. These days, I would rather sleep instead. If i really want to be a surgeon, i should light up everytime i get to go inside the operating room no matter how stressed i am, right?
There's this program offered by the Department of Health wherein they send a physician to some province where there's no physician available. In some ways, it's scary... yet somehow, It does seem attractive. First, the salary is huge--- a great incentive for work, despite the catch that you'll be working as the sole physician at some remote province. Besides the salary, i find the peaceful and quiet surroundings tempting. I doubt if i'll get lonely. During our community rotation in internship, i enjoyed living in the province, no matter how crude everything was at first... nothing beats the simple life. I want to get away from it all, I could leave all my troubles in the city, albeit temporarily. I've lived a life full of noise, clouded with troubles--- living some place else would be a welcome escape. It would be great if I would be sent to some island. Put me anywhere near the ocean and I'll be happy. Put me anywhere where I can sit back and relax and simply think about life and I'll be content. Everytime I see the ocean with the warm ocean breeze caressing my face, fine sand beneath my feet... I am happy. Genuinely happy. Unlike now, when i am no longer happy with what I'm doing.
As days go by, the alternative seems to be becoming the better, wiser choice.
I could be happy, or remain drenched in misery.
The choice seems obvious, yet I'm still caught in a dilemma.
